[12/03/2003 12:33:40 AM | shine]

Wow. Yes so long since my last update. Didn't you think this site was dead? Well it was for a while. So sorry for the neglect. I will probably be ending this site soon or transferring it to another server or something. But in the meantime. I guess I should fill you all in about the 6 months I have been away.

First and foremost, I graduated. Yes I made it through alive, a little bit older, a little bit wiser, and I suppose a completely new person. I can definitely say I am not the same person, nor a shadow of the same person I was when I came in. College was such a wonderful time for me. I loved every single cramming, gut wrenching, adrenaline pumping second of it. Yes EVEN that.

So you're probably wondering what I've been doing after that whole graduation thing. Well, in July my mom's brother's family visited us and we hosted and went to Universal, Vegas and a few other places. We had alot of fun.

August-Sept, I was taking classes in Santa Monica for my GREs. I did take them and did ok. Not superb, but par I guess. I may or may not do them again. We'll see if I get lazy. More on Sept, I was busy gathering my forms and letters of rec. It was during this month I was feeling so much pressure to decide whether I should continue to apply or delay. After much deliberation, I caved in to all the pressure and realized there was no point in applying to something I don't even know I want. So here I am in limbo, preparing for my last exam in less than two weeks. I know I'll do average. But hey, better than below I guess. I'll just have to accept that I'm no Stephen Hawking.

With that, here's a little something that just sums up how everything is as of now.

My Place

In my place there is empty laughter,
In my place spoken are meaningless words,
In my place vibrant color is now mute,
In my place there are no thoughts
and inimical life suffocates itself.


A frail body, it lies cold and hollow
A troubled mind, it screams for answers
A withered spirit, it desperately searches for faith
A lost soul, it weeps for the truth.

Lugubrious and empty.
Living is no longer life
it is but a carcus of necrose humor
it is but a shell pedantic incognisant and numb
dwindling and waiting for time to rob itself of happiness.


In my place there is emptiness.
In my place it is hollow
In my place colors lay flat and lifeless amidst the ruckuss and clamor of
those in the outside.
In my place it is lonely.
In my place I am alone

[5/21/2003 9:48:57 AM | shine]

Hmm. Sunday was a good day. Although I missed church in the morning, I was able to go later at 7:30pm. Cris came over and gave me some gum balls ^_^. Um, I decided to test the curling iron and gave myself some curls. It came out pretty cute. Thursday after my 110 midterm (which I found out it was comming Tues evening and got a A- on ^_^) Cris and I walked around Westwood very bored and decided to go shopping. We eventually went to the mall on Pico and I spent about 95 bux at Pacsun. Bought twow jeans and a cute dc shirt. I'm happy! Hmm, I went to church and saw Rose and Michi @_@. I did peace and Michi and I said hi to each other. I sat next to Cris, Sherri and Paul. It was a very freaky experience, but I was happy. Cris was being a dork about it (dammit I owe home 5 bux!). Ok and uh, hmmm oh yeah yesterday I still had my curlz and I went to school feeling pretty (I finished my paper for 137D which I did to study for 110 that I thought whos mt was this thurs but whatever) I saw, or rather John saw me at Ackerman. I like John! He's such a sweetie. Anywho, I hope to see him at the graduation. He's funny. Then I saw Daren with his (girl) friend as a computer lab person. But we ignored each other for some reason. Umm, today I polished my paper and got my results for the midterm ^_^ I kicked butt! I also had a cook off with Kathleen. I made sarsiado. she make something like adobo. Um we watched american idol. She freaked us out yesterday with ring stories and we went to ralphs. Ummm, Thomas and her had a spanish fight =( and um, I dunno I feel bad about it. I still need to catch up on reading. I can't believe I am falling behind now! I am getting so lazy. Maybe I should read tomorrow. eeeh maybe. Anywho, um, the food was good. Michelle smokes pot! Sandy is uh weird, but she brought my book back, Yumi gave me a survey @_@ and uh, what else? Hmmm, oh and Rahil finished this mosaic candle holder for dino and she doesn't like it! haha. oh well. Anywho, I'm lookin forward to the wedding, but more so on Monday night when I get back ^_^. Imma watch Bruce Almighty! Yey! Oh and I talked to my cousin yesterday and she's has a bf *sigh*. Um I got my grad tickets 10 of them 4 for family 1 for friend, plus marvin, and aunt, uncle so I have one left. Hmmm. Who to give? And I also talked to Monica and oh man, I found out about my friend (so freaked out about it but whatever, we're growing up). My other friend is engaged (janice) and the other is boy crazy as usual. Passed the nursing board, and um, we found someone to take over the apt! So that's kewl. I may start my resume tomorrow mornin cause there is a career fair. No great companies are there, but there is one or two that I saw that were pretty interesting and possibly I qualify for. Hmmm, what else? Um, I finished my white tiger painting. I dunno If I said that yet. haha. Rahil loves it btw, to say the least. I still have to glaze it over and put a frame on it. I still need to buy Cris his graduation present, and Monica's too. Um, mabe a card for my other friends? Maybe one for John? I dunno, depends if I even see him. I need to bring a small purse, buy nice shoes, and a dress! Ummmm, bring home more stuff, and find an apt maybe? Start asking for letters of rec, find a job/volunteer work, internship? and take a GRE prep course or study alone for it. Hmmm. I think that's it. Will I get into gradschool? Yes. I just don't know where yet. *sigh*. Ok, enough worrying. MY life is great and I have great friends and I didn't get kicked out of UCLA and I even got honors. So why am I complaining? Man I suck. I am never satisfied. I guess cause I eventually see that once I meet the bottom, my level increases and I see a brighter future that I have yet to reach. So now, I was aiming for at least a 3.4. That didn't happen because I took 16 units last qtr and one class screwed me over. But it's ok. This term I took a class I didn't need and that screwed me over, but you know what? I shouldn't fret cause there are more people who have less than I and do fine, so I shouldn't worry. I mailed my invitations and my relatives got them today...I sent them on Monday and it's Tuesday. Man that's fast! Long Beach takes like 1-3 days depending on what time of day you mail it. Oh well! I need to mail KC's letter, but I need my grad pictures!!! I ordered retouches online! I hope they come out ok. 5.5 bux for 8 wallets. Not too shabby! Ok I think that's about it. I so want to go home. Ok well gtg. Bye bye. Ps. some very nice person traded with me for my xs hat. I so owe her! Thanks! And and Im gonna have to remember to bring back strawberries for thomas and my roommies!

[5/3/2003 9:13:08 AM | shine]

I learned how to make hair on photoshop with the spare time I acquired all of a sudden this weekend. luckily I have accomplished something. No going home, no spring sing, no class, no name card, no pcn, no anime convention. what did I come up with? a cleaner and more organized room, a new sketch, some new photoshop skills, and a new rendered complete photoshop image. Not too shabby. tomorrow, no IM, I will finish my reading, and screw going out. I'm sick of this shit.

[5/3/2003 9:10:31 AM | shine]

I feel like shit

[4/28/2003 7:48:29 AM | shine]

Oh man...ok so here's the deal. Today I actually was productive enough to study today for my Cognitive Development midterm on Thursday and I beat the urge to buy anything from the book festival today and yesterday. Thomas and I didn't study together this week cause I realized...definitely, that I suck studying with others cause I don't get enough done. Thomas was kinda offended, but it was the truth. Last sat, we did study and I did kinda get some stuff done, while he slept most of the time, but he came so late! He told me to wake him up at 7:45am. I told him that since we were up till 230am, that would be impossible. I eventually woke him up at 830am and he came at 10:50am! Do you know how much time I wasted??? Then when we got to the library, he slept most of the time and we moved to a room and he slept some more and I was getting hungry and I know he wanted to eat, so we left at 6:00pm. Luckily, I did make some fried rice in the morning while waiting for him and I had some perch filet left over from Friday (Good Friday). Although he did bring me a vietnamese sub, I couldn't eat meat. So I heated some veggies and we ate dinner. Soon he was attaching my laptop and impersonating me on AIM. >_<'. Of course, I repeatedly tried for about 2-3 hours to get him off my chair. Alas, what can a 100lb girl do to a 150lb guy? Exactly. So I tried punching him...of course I don't want to hurt the guy but it wasn't working. So I resported to more violence and pinched him. After a long and hard battle over the laptop and my chair, he finally lets me gain my sanity and hands me over the laptop. Soon he is sleeping yet again, so I threaten him with a camera and he covers his face with a body pillow. I sketch him with the pillow face and then he gets up and attacks me with my own digital camera. After a mess of nothing, he gives up and takes a pic of the two of us. The picture came out pretty cute, although I was partially cut off! Anyway, I got tired of trying to run away from the camera and trying to push him off my chair. I do have the azumanga daiyoh cds and I have yet to watch them...he abused the cds btw. Anywho, that's what happened over sat and although it was fun, I can't do that when studying for midterms! Luckily this weekend was the book fest so he wouldn't be able to find parking anyway.

I think it was yesterday or Friday, he was buggin me about going to the anime festival. I found out I was going home that weekend, which was also Spring Sing, and PCN. I was so bummed. I can't NOT go home cause I haven't been home in over a month. Such great timing -_-. But I dunno, I really wanted to see PCN *sobs* I might be able to push going home till sat, but PCN is on Sat night *sigh* . Well, at the very least, I can go to one of the events at the anime expo. Kathleen might come. Thomas bugged her to go since I wasn't going and she wasn't going to come unless I went. But we'll see.

At the book festival, which Thomas is boycotting, I found two lova hina mangas and a lot of spirited away books, but nothing I really wanted. I did get a 20% coupon from Borders though ^_^ which I am giving to oh so lucky Cris. Hmm, Friday I went to see a movie with Cris, Paul, Viki, Lilly, Miguel, and Megan. The movie was pretty funny, I think it was because of Paul hah! ^_-. Cris came over after the movie and he let me borrow his resume book. He also made me a resume while he was cooking for the movie. I eventually made one yesterday. Um, I also finished my lab report on friday. Hmm, oh my parents came over in a new SUV. Ironically, I was thinking to myself "Wouldn't it be kewl if they came here in a new car?" and voila, they did ^_^. It's a white Ford Explorer...it's prettier than I thought. Anywho, since they left kinda late, around 6:15ish, I couldn't make anything for the movie so I popped in some ready made lumpia and fried it. Cris came over just as I was finishing the stuff and we got to the ucc on time...the first ones there *sigh* people soon came but the place was closed cause fr. bob forgot to come. So we watched at lilly's. Cris was very annoyed at the whole thing and I think mostly embarassed because he wanted to make sure I was having a good time and everything kinda went awry. He wanted me to go, and I did, and this all happened. Luckily we had fun once we got to lilly's and ate some yummy food Cris made, some cake, empanada, and lumpia ^_^.

Hmmm, on Tuesday of last week my friend and I got into a weird misunderstanding and we kinda left on awkward terms. I was on edge about my studying and he wasn't helping really so I snapped at him and said some things and he refused to talk to me and I left. Next day I was studying with Sahel (big mistake) and it was about 11:30pm or so and I got his message. He wanted to know if I was ok and if everything was still kewl between me and him...of course it was. Although I did have two midterms that week so, I had to postpone any contact till afterwards. Luckily, after all my worry, he has the grudge of a kid...doesn't last long and doesn't think much of it...at least that's how it turned out.

I got a C+/B- on my 110 class *sobs* this was during my "hell study" week with Sahel and fight with my friend...it pretty much screwed me over. So, I think I am taking pass no pass. As for my health psych class, I studied for it for one whole day. I was blessed with having no research and no section. God had mercy on me! I feel really good about that test...the one I only studied one day for. I hope we all did well. She's doing it on a straight curve, so we're not competing against anyone.

I just hope I can kick ass for this 133b class. Oh well, I guess I am off. Oh and btw, I found out that this recently converted chick at the ucc was actually one of my friend's former girl friends. She's a psych major too, is now Catholic, and my friend is still inlove with her -_- whatever. I think she's kewl cause she's a psych major, Catholic, and she studies, unlike him. Man, that's so weird. And even though they're over, the fact that he still obsesses over her still kinda churns my stomach even after moving on from both ends of the spectrum. Man my emotions are so weird. I knew it that when I heard her name, that chick was his ex. Why did I know this? Call it a shine thing.

[4/18/2003 7:19:41 AM | shine]

Ok, so I haven't "blogged" in a while. A few things have happened. Thomas left for Japan on Thursday and I wasn't able to really say goodbye properly. Tuesday night he asked me if I wanted to study and have dinner. Earlier that day Cris and I ate some pizza and I has a few slices left over that I was just about to eat when he called. Long story short--we ended up not doing either and he went home starving! >_< To make matters worse, I bring the matter up again and he tries to make me the bad guy! Anyway, he gave me a guilt trip and we eventually settled on having dinner when he get's back on Tuesday. After talking to Thomas, I either call Monica or she calls me. I forget which. I gave her the 411 on my life since last time we talked. She apparently has a guy whom she is interested in ^_^ so I am happy for her. She also gave me a guilt trip for not having dinner with Thomas and said I was mean >_<. She made me realize that I won't even be able to say goodbye to him before he leaves =( and that made me sad. Next day Cris invites me to watch Two Weeks notice. So basically, I wake up that Wednesday morning and shower and dress up for the career fair which I miss cause I talked to kc instead ^_^ and thomas went to a meeting so I wasn't able to talk to him either. I got to class, finished and got to my research real early, got bitched by a lady in charge of the 4th floor copy machine (cause we weren't supposed to copy there *whatever we were told to use it cause ours was broken!*. Well, I finished early and had nothing to do, so I think Imet with Cris or studied or something. I don't remember. But I know I met with Cris and killed some time and talked for a few hours on A level. We saw Josh and a few other people. We went to the movie and came back to my apt at about 9:15ish. Iogged on and saw Kc and Thomas back on. I wasn't able to talk to either too long cause Cris was over and thomas had to go to work so that was the last convo I had with him before he left. I text him later that evening cause KC wanted to send a message. So I am guessing her message was last read. I never got a response to the one I sent after that. =( Next day was his flight and his sn was on idle. *sigh* I was so down it was lame. Monica made me sick thinking about the whole Sars thing, that he might get sick, or something might happen to his flight, etc. etc. Of course this would worry me especially if it was my friend or family. Well anyway, much to the drama, next day I had my senior pix taken and it was a cloudy cold day. I did my hair and makeup in 20 mins and I looked like crap. I got the shoot overwith and ended up finding out about Better Luck tomorrow, which I called Cris to go with me, but found out I wouldn't make it since my parents were supposed to be here to pick me up for sandiego by 7. The movie was 3 hrs long and the earliest showing would end by 7:30 =( so I cancelled. I went to my book review from 3-4 and waited for my parents till 7:30. SO LAME I could have watched the movie too -_- But anyway, so they got here and we drove to sandiego. My dad made an ass of himself and was too proud to get directions from my cousin and later called my aunt to ask where their house was. We got there by 11 or so. Rox and the children, exept eric went to mcdonalds for some food. Sheryl and I stayed in rox's room and beano and eric in kuya ron's room. Nay and tay in rox's bigger room. Next day, saturday, was the house warming (my mom gave a painting of hers). I helped make the tortang talong. The food was pretty good. There was alot of food and alot of strawberries. I mostly ate the strudel and the drink was yummy =P there was a mess of people. Of course, Carlson and Cris were there, even Emmer was there. Although ate Pearl and ate Zerina weren't there or any other people from Ox aside from us, it was kewl. Sux we didn't stay (cause of carlson and them staying there as well). We could have seen the concert Ataris and Yellowcard! They were in Ventura on Fri and SanDiego on sat!!! They followed us! OH well -_-. We didn't go anywhere but there...not even boba world. BTW, sheryl tried freaking herself out by watching the ring 4x. She's still alive btw. hehe. Good thing.

Oh yeah, the war is declared over!!!! We kick SADDAM A$$!

Anywho, getting back on my recap of everything. Um, we went back home sat night. Marv slept over cause uncle mar and auntie baby were in laughlin. We went to church the next day and nanay jacked some palm leaf from the church decor >_M how embarassing! Esp when this pinay said they had some inside! haha. Anywho, it was kewl. We then went to seafood city, I bought some cds (side A and eheads carbonstereoxide!) and they took me back to the apt and they took marv back home...hehe.

ok so monday sucked. I was supposed to go to a book review but didn't. I forgot exactly what I did. Oh, kathleen invited me for food...I think soup...haha. Hmmm, next day I had class and Sahel was no where to be found and I am beginning to worry =(. At 133b we saw babies at different stages in the sensorimotor development including prof. travis's son sam. Umm, I consciously counted the time to when thomas would be back...which is sad but I was just hoping his plane landed safely. The war made me edgy. Anywho, I finish class and head back home. Soon, Thomas Immed me and everything went back to normal. We talked a bit and he said he would be here in a few mins. Dinner before class apparently. Dianne and joey were supposed to come, but joey was sick. So Thomas brought me food to the apt but I was full cause it was early. So he ate while I painted. As he was leaving, I noticed him leave a wall scroll and a gift. While we were talking he was saying how much of a pain it was to look for the gifts. Anywho, he was about to leave and I said "thomas you forgot the gift" and he said "oh, well that's for you" and I smiled and he said "don't I get a hug?" and I said of course. I walked him down and he said "don't forget the wall scroll" As he left I opened the wall scroll then the gift and to my surprise, it was a nekobus plushie!!! and a totoro ceramic keychain with a sanrio puppy mini finger puppet...haha. Anyway, it was really cute. I loved it. Too bad he couldn't see the smile on my face and how far my jaw dropped. I was very touched =) anyway, I text him and said thanks. Wednesday I had research but finished in about an hour or two. I talked to thomas about nothing and did some painting. Thomas went to work and I painted and did pretty well I might add. Teresa went to her meeting and brough back alot of left over spring roll ingredients. I talked to cris and he invited me to a movie night at the ucc which I eventually kinda got sucked into going to cause I know he wants me to be there and I feel that I should be there to support him. Ok well Teresa was a sweetie and let me have some curly friend *YUM* and left some fried rice for us.

Now it is Thursday and I actually started studying like I should instead of be online. I got caught up on the war coverage and found out that we really did finish the war. To me, however, it isn't don't until Saddam's ass is grilled, fried, boiled and cremated. Still, I am thankful that there were few casualties and that there were so many brave men and women who sacrificed their lives for the safety of the world. The US split apart and eventually came together in unison, even UCLA agreed, we need to support our troops no matter which side you are on the war. We support life and the bravery of our countrymen.

what am I doing now? I am blogging, being cold, just finished eating, and yes, talking to thomas. He just signed on at 10:30ish I guess. And I got home at 9:50 or something. Anyway, I guess we are studying on sat @ 9am @_@ let's see if he can do it...haha.

I forgot one minor detail. On wed, thomas told me about this kewl online japanese anime radio station. SHOUT CAST http://64.202.98.51:5120/ hope you all like it. They play songs on popular and requested anime! kewl idea eh? ^_^

[3/4/2003 11:39:28 PM | shine]

OH I forgot to mention, my lil bro turned 13 Mar 2...happy birthday Eric! My parent's anniversary is on Mar 6th...also my second pass, also the day before Jojo's birthday =). My family went to universal on Sunday and came over to drop off my driver's license (it looks sooo much better than my old one!). Sheryl bought me a tarepanda cell holder..it's cute! I also got cotton candy ^_^. Kuya Frank gave Eric a frikkin Yugi-Oh card worth $50! Hmmm, what else? I refunded marv's hat and got him a beanie, and um, let's see, I owe Eric a ps2 card, and I am poor! I hate finals! They always freak me out! DOH >_< hopefully, by this weekend, my head will be cleared of all these stupid unnecessary jumbling thoughts. I don't know what's wrong with me!

[3/4/2003 11:32:19 PM | shine]

Hmmm. My cousin's been having girl problems, so he came over and we hung out at boba world and played tong-its ^_^. It was fun. Then me and Weng and Marv caught up online...ish kewl like the olden days. Um, what else, I threw away my bouquet of flowers =(. man, my room looks so empty without my flowers! such a pretty vase and no flowers...*sigh*. I'd go to the famers market to get some, but I'm at NPI till 6 every thurs =(.

Anyway, why is it that I can no longer really vent on my own site? Dammit. Too many people read this now that I can't mention names or say how I really feel anymore. I think I should start a new site where I can vent that no one knows about but me! =P My world is getting smaller and smaller...or is it bigger? Oh whatever. Anyway, I have no idea why I am so not into the study mode! I mean finals are practically here for crying outloud, and I'm not even close to finishing or really starting my 12 pg min paper! I've been going out nearly every day the past 3 weeks! I actually hate it! I can't believe I said that! I OD on going out. Man, I am such a homebody! I love my laptop, room, pen, pencil and sketchbook. Talk about anti-social. I think I have done enough socializing for the year.

BTW, I took a shy test and the mean was a 14.5...I scored 31. Go figure. My roomie got a 2, my friend got an 8, my other friend got a 12, and my cousin got a 31 like me. Man, and I thought I lost sooo much of my shyness in college. I wonder what my score would have been if I took it when I got out of highschool. Must be genetic! Anywho, I'm tired. The cappucinno oreo smoothie at boba world got to me...oh man...sooo much boba. It was good, but if yer full, don't even try to drink it! It will make you sick!

[3/2/2003 4:13:22 PM | shine]

Such a busy week. Sahel gave me a prezzy ^_^. kathleen took me out to eat on tues afternoon. I think I met her friend little Frank wed or thurs and ate at her place and watched the nutty prof 2. Kuya Franklin came from london on wed. They (tatay and kuya) came to visit me on Fri for lunch and left for sd. Cris, Kathleen and I ate at Tony Roma's on Thurs and skipped spirited away. Weng came to visit me on friday. Thomas came over on saturday and gave me a flower ^_^ its cute cause its red and pink with a smile...its a stuffed animal flower without the animal! haha. Joanna called sat too. my cousin went to see the snow today.

[2/17/2003 11:18:31 PM | shine c]

Ok, I'm 21 and I didn't do the typical thing and drink...even though I was right next to the wine at during dinner. We ate at Marina Del Ray at C and O. The food was really good and the everlasting garlic bread rolls were really really addicting. I almost just wanted to stay home and have fun with my cousins comming from SD. Oh yeah, My Grandma Mita passed away Wed night ='(. The one good thing is that she did pass with being much loved by everyone and with those she loved around her.

Essentially, a mass of our relatives and extended family for all sides have showen their support, and paid respects. The response was heart warming. She was a wonderful woman, loved by all.

On a more selfish note, since we this tragedy occured, I wasn't able to celebrate my birthday like my parents promised, esp after not having my long awaited debutant party for my 18th birthday (my father's parents were the main reason why we didn't do it). This time, it makes me mad at myself for feeling even a bit angry that I am not able to celebrate this time of my life, but I try to convinve myself that many people don't even have the option to have a party so I shouldn't be feeling like this. I don't know. I guess I am being selfish. I do love my Granma Mita though and it has been great seeing everyone after a long time, bonding and everything. So in a way, she brought us all together again, like the way she would bring us together for other occasions.

In terms of birthdays, I found out that Carlson's birthday was yesterday, the 16th, and he's now 17. And Kuya Ronald's birthday was on the 11th. So we all had our birthdays in Feb. I guess I shouldn't feel so bad cause he also had to celebrate his birthday at a viewing. I spent the morning cleaning and cooking breakfast, doing laundry and buying clothes for my brother and me at the outlet. It wasn't bad I guess. Oh, my nanay gave me a necklace with a diamond pendant =D. So I know my mom did try to make it up to me. Esp since she is so busy helping out with the whole thing. We brought doughnuts, coffee, juice (very sweet juice...hehe), and some nachos I think, oh and puto and kutsinta (Filipino desserts made with sweet rice). It was kewl yesterday. We played Tong-its. and scattergories after wards. So much happened. Michael is still pissed at Sheryl and today, Angel, Ejoy, and Nikki got there in Ox. I just talked to Ejoy cause Marv called. Narine and Rahil are so buggin about the flowers Cris gave. To make them stop, he told them he had a bf...hahaha. I guess that made em to stop =P.

[2/4/2003 11:38:13 PM | shine]

Happy Birthday to my cousin Marvin! Luv ya cousin!!! ^_^

Aside from that happy note, not to put a damper on others, but its been a pretty bad week and its only Tuesday. First off, my condolences to the friends and family of the Columbia space shuttle that exploded Saturday morning. It is with deep sorrow and grief that the American and Israeli people have to face welcoming the new year.

Oh yeah Chinese New Year also happened over the weekend so Kung Hay Fat Choi. Yes I am weird bringing these things all up. Next, I studied my azz off over the weekend.

In lecture on Monday, Dr. Raven was slightly out of it because one of his colleagues past away. A long time colleague and major contributor in the social psychology field here at UCLA. He was late for class on Friday last week. I was scared that something horrible happened to him. It was 15 mins and he hadn't come yet and it wasn't like him at all. I was in a major sigh of relief when he came in. I am guessing he was late because of the bad news. I can see the pain he is going through. He as lost a long time friend. My other prof, Dr. Shelly Gable also expressed her saddness in his passing last Thursday. The obituary page of the LATimes was filled with his info.

Tuesday we finally have our board meeting and decided with heavy hearts, after much denial and refusal to give up to just cancel the conference. We bought gifts for the speakers and are doing all the necessary sorrys and paper work. All of our effort down the drain.

I had a good talk with two of my friends though during our regular lunch break. We talked about her weird friends and how she attracts weird people, we talked about Daria, I even did my ever so famous impressions. I can't believe I did them! We also talked about relationships and everything. I am so glad to have met her. She is a really great person. Btw, her birthday is comming up feb 14th. She's the same age as me. Hmmm, I wonder what I should get her? Anyway, I also saw an old friend whom I haven't seen in a while. His birthday is comming up. Its weird to have so many people's birthdays comming up and its so weird how I will be 21 soon and it doesn't even feel all that great. I am not really looking so forward to it aside from being legal finally. But I don't want to be old. I just want to graduate with all A's in the rest of my classes, pass the GRE's with flying colors and get into a really great gradschool here in california. Is that so much to ask? I think not. All of which are within my reach. It's just alot more work than I think I can handle at this point and sometimes it seems like its never gonna happen.

One lighter note, Sunday, my mom called to tell me my sister got 2 gold and 2 silver medals for the academic decathalon ^_^ ! I am so proud! She got gold in math, gold for essay, silver for art, and I forgot what the other was for.

Lets see, one of my friends, more than anything just brokedown today after the whole conference was canceled. He has been having really stressful week and this broke the straw. On top of that, his cousin died. =(

I did talk to Pauline yesterday and now. Which made me feel better. I got an e-mail from Jojo...which made me happy. I also got an e-mail from someone I never expected to get an e-mail from...an old friend. I am glad he's ok.

My friend and I had a talk about the whole incident and all his problems. I just haven't seen him in a few days but I guess cause off of these problems are taking a toll on him hard, he told me that he missed me. And it felt werid to read those words, especially with the type of friendship we have. I don't know. It felt weird. As for my other friend from way back when, its full of drama, and I don't know how to respond to it cause he obviously still has feelings for me. I never realized how much of an impact I had on some people. I never knew I really mattered that much to them. Now I know why God put me on this earth.

Last thing that happened today, I saw Daren with his girl. She was giving me mean looks but hey, he talked to me and I didn't even notice him. He was on his cell too. Also,I talked to my roomie about our situation with our other roomie. Seems that we feel similarly about the whole situation. Seriously though, they're all great people. I just think the circumstances just play out wrong and affect people. but its ok. We are gonna hang in there and get past it all in the end. Oh and Henry let us use his couch, so we have a couch now =)

[2/4/2003 1:36:56 AM | shine]

I just found one of my of my old poems. I thought I lost it =O

Mercury : 05-28-02 : 11:26pm

Look into my eyes and breathe life unto this shattered soul
Take the hand I present before you and tell me what you see.
A vision of a mere child, a lost child, a lost life, eternal death…

Open your world unto the light that warms what remains,
Fear not the plagues of the world and let your inhibition rest.
I will take you to the heavens beyond the stars and show you what truth remains.

Witness the mystery of life unfold to that of an eternal void, a sea of lies,
And a glimmer of hope in a celestial diamond sky.

[1/22/2003 6:25:10 PM | shine]

Oooh. I had a pretty good day and a relatively good week. Had lunch with my friend Sahel yesterday and we basically kicked Tai off the Psi Chi board despite her asking for, yet another chance (her medschool apps are done). I turned in my dpr and stuff for my chords and medals. Monday I went to see VCN with Cris. It was awesome. Ofcourse the whole play was dedicated to Tai Phan (091081-121902). The play was really funny and cute. There was alot of singing, martial arts, hip-hop, interpretative dance, fashion show some fighting, romance, alot of comedy and a very good moral lesson. Hui was one of the main characters (the teacher), Teresa had multiple parts in the fashion show, extra in the play, and interpretative dance. Phu was also in stomp and another cultural dance. Royce Hall was jam packed. The show was so worth watching. It makes me want to join Samahang Pilipino again and be a part of PCN.
Today was pretty ok. I felt bad for prof. Raven cause everyone was obviously out of it and not participating. I wasn't able to finish the reading so I wasn't as participative either. I did get started on my psych 137c paper though yesterday =) That cut some of my anxiety. I also got flash in my laptop when I went home and I did more of that good old kingdom hearts =D. Um, ok and some roomie drama about using stuff without permission. That's a minor problem. Ummm, oh and after class I went to Powell to get a reserved article for 137I. I think I saw one of my old friends, but I'm not sure cause my eyes are going bad. Hmmm, I went to NPI to do my research only to find that all the computers were taken! So, I decided to go copying only to find some lady occupying the copyroom copying a thick azz book. The other gradstudent in the office gave me the code for the 4th floor copier so I went down and to my dismay, the copier was out of paper. Luckily that place was busy and another lady came to help put more paper in. As she left to get the keys to open the supply cabinet, this really cute guy came in. I am pretty sure he is Chinese. He's pretty tall. I am guessing 5'10" or something. Anyway, we made some small talk while waiting, and he was really nice. I know it may sound cheezy, but he said "take care ok?" has he left. How sweet is that? I mean, even if he wasn't attracted to me, it still shows that he is just an out right nice guy. Sigh, and he works on the 4th floor. He asked me where I work. He knows I work on the 6th...=( Man, I should have asked his name. I guess I won't be seeing him again =(. But man he was cute! And I was all grungy looking. Figures! The first time I decide to dress grungy, I meet a cute guy! Dammit! One cute and nice guy at UCLA who isn't full of himself or stupid! I mean, he works at NPI! Oh well. Drama! Least I can make excuses to photocopy on the 4th floor in hopes of seeing the guy again =P

[1/11/2003 8:33:56 PM | shine c]

BR>Daym, that's what I got

Which Star-Crossed Marvel Lover Are You?

I've gone "love hina" crazy T_T

[Fri Jan 10, 2003 9:48:51 PM | shine]

I've gone "love hina" crazy T_T

[Thurs Jan 9, 2003 11:05:41 PM | shine]

So much to say. I'll bullet point them. First day of class was ok. Chris and I bought Rahil her engagement gift (wedding flower book) and a card. We got all of Psi Chi to sign it (we went to Narine's apt). Then at the meeting, we surprised Rahil. She loved it =D. I saw Sahel, Jeff, Yumi and John =) I ate lunch with Sahel and we hung out. Then I saw John and we chatted a bit. Oh and one of my friends moved to the apts...least he told me he did on monday. I bought some stuff for Psi Chi before our meeting. Um Wed I met with Tamara and got my sched done. Rahil had a very bad yelling day and we had apt rent probelms that are now fixed...thank you God for everything. Tues, Thai Phan was on the front page of the Daily Bruin. He article did not do him any justice whatsoever, but I am just glad that they did recognize him in the paper...front page no less. Um I also found out of other tragedies that happened over the break. Today in the Daily Bruin, me fear was confirmed that Gerald Lamb, the resident director for Hedrick Hall, my former dorm, was murdered in Tijuana Mexico. May he rest in peace as well. I was shocked a deeply saddened when I saw the article on the Daily Bruin. My roommate told me of this but wasn't sure which RD it was. I was thinking, please not Gerald, but it was. The same happened when I saw a link Daren put on his site dedicated to Tai. I hoped it wasn't for him for what I thought it was for. Yet again, another caring and selfless person is taken off the face of the earth. I don't know why such unfortunate things could happen to the nicest people. I also ran all my errands today. I bought my books, returned the expensive ones, got my dpr from murphy, bought my class ring (720 bux...ouch!), and did research at NPI. Oh and Cris and I had a minor fight on wed since he was stressed about making a site for the Psi Chi e-mail, and I was upset about our rent situation. But it's like my fight with my sister. It doesn't last long. He called an hour or two later just to bugg me. Ok well I wanted to get all this crap out. Nothing flowery. Now I need to send my papers to psi chi. Oh and I printed love hina stuff and my parents got a ticket yesterday cause of visiting me =(. Oh well, they paid 2 bux for water =) hopefully it stays 2 bux. I'm out and tired. So is rahil. Kathleen has a cold. Boo! Get well everyone. Sweet dreams. Peace out!

You're responsible, sweet, gentle and lovable! You have a loving heart, a great respect for all creatures (human, great and small), and the ability to see the thing that makes each individual special. However, you tend to overlook the things that make you special, and thus, putting you in a position to be pushed around by others. Take some time everyday to reflect on your qualities, and see that you don't have to please everyone and still be loved for who you are.
Which Love Hina Girl Are You?