new qtr new problems-- new life ( April 5, 2002, 9:47am)

I am so sorry for neglecting you page of mine! So much has happened the past weeks  I am overwhelmed with emotion...yeah same old huh?

Anyway recap. Sprigbreak was kewl. Too short. Went to some place everyday so I was hella tired when I got back. I also found out that I still gots mah skillz in playing rpgs even on Ps2 and on a game I have never played before in my life...hehe. Oh and I did get my digi cam! Yes Canon PowerShot S30...very sweet indeed. I already ordered the case, battery and cf card online. Got the last two from another site Cruxworks.com (I highly recommend doing business witht them), and the case from Canon (have yet to receive the case I ordered the 2nd.

As for my classes. They aren't too bad. 3 of them are in North campus so I am getting used to the new atmosphere...pretty laid back. I find it weird, but I love the art...something I regret not pursuing. My classes now are all are hardcore though, so I am swampped with papers, readings, experiments and crap like that. Psi Chi is still in progress. So far its been really great. Can't wait to go and do some volunteer work for the kiddies =).

The week has been goin by real slow so far. I think its because of the whacked up weather--usually foggy and o rare occasion sunny but cold and windy, and I frikkn left my two jackets in the back seat when I got dropped off here at the dorms.  Wednesday I watched Felicity. Did i mention I hate the writier and BEN! We need more people like NOEL inthe world! GEEZ!

Thurs was  kinda was ok until I got my final for 175 back. I found out I could have gotten a much better grade but thats another issue. I also petitioned to getin the major so I'm an official Psych major now and no longer Pre-psych. In my Cog Devt class, there was at least 4 Psi Chi members there including our pres Narine. Kinda funny cause we were all sitting in fron center =). Before class I was approached by a Christian group, while I was reading for cog out in Royce b4 class. It was ok cause they basically told me everything I already new about God and Jesus so I need no convincing. They kinda just scratched their heads. After doing some major organizing and little reading, Vero, Mon, Jessica, Jennifer and I watched Friends...kinda lame episode all about Joey. Hear he's gonna have a spin off...how retarded is that? It's so heading for the trash.

Oh and Hedrick Dining Hall, for some retarded reason, is no longer serving HOT BREAKFAST! HOW STUPID IS THAT? I have to haul my azz all the way down to Reiber to go andeat my frikkin pancakes!

As for my life in general, times are a changin and people are moving on and drifting apart nowadays. Its kinda sad, but I guess thats life. I think I am already out growing the dorm life faster than I thought I was gonna get used to it.I think I passes the actual "liking it" part or touched it briefly.  It was fun while it lasted, but I'm movin out soon enough. I miss my old friends and I miss my "simple kind of life." I don't know what really makes me happy anymore. Maybe cause I wasn't able to go to church this week or maybe cause of the bad weather or the lame news I got a few days ago. Eitherway, I don't feel like touring today, but I must. I wish it were sunny. I wish I could find a decent cheap, and nearby apt  here aroud ucla. I wish i could get a 4.0 this qtr...hope...yeah right! I wish I could help out my parents in some other ways. I wish I was smart. I wish I was a better Catholic, a better daughter, a better sister, a better student, a better friend. Well, no man can live alone even if you shut people out. Your life will be miserable and deep down, you know it.

To end at a happier note, I must be thankful for what I got. And from what I can see, I am really blessed. I just need to keep on remembering that and so should you to yourself.

TC GB

genisis vs renaissance [March 22, 12:53pm | shine]

In a few mins, I'll be out the door and on my way home after one long month. Hmmm, doesn't seem like a month. Maybe cause I was so busy and they did visit me. Anyway, I know once I get home, all my plans will end up just plans and nothing productive will come to it.

In a few mins, I'll be out the door and on my way home after one long month. Hmmm, doesn't seem like a month. Maybe cause I was so busy and they did visit me. Anyway, I know once I get home, all my plans will end up just plans and nothing productive will come to it.

I think that although its not exactly the same, it was good they changed it because it would be too boring if the followed the game. I just wish there was more mistery involved rather than just zombie decaptitation. All in all, it basically showed eerie segments related to the game...the mansion, racoon city, the infamous t-virus, umbrella corp, and of course the cliff hanger/not, project nemisis.

After the movie we got a bite to eat at puzzles and watched tv in the rec/lounge area. Kinda nice to just sit there and watch tv. Talked to Cris about the usual things, stupid things, and nonsense things. Hmm, gotta get that apt. Cris is such a great friend. Anyway, it was fun. I was so tired though. I woke up this morning at 10 with a heacache. Maybe cause it was hot, but if I knew what a hangover was, I swear I felt like I had one. Probably not that bad though =P.

Did I mention I bought art supplies on Wed? After my last final i rushed to my room and fixed my stuff, cleaned my junk, then got bored. I went to northcampus to go and draw at the scultpure garden after I bought my supplies.. I spent $80 on paint, canvas, and brushes. I can't wait to paint something! But I dunno when that'll be. Maybe over the summer or break once I get an easel, pallette, lin seed oil, and paint thinner oh and some primary paint.

Oh and I cleared up a misunderstanding with one of my floormates. Hopefully we'll be friends again. I guess taking a chance isn't such a bad thing afterall. Ok I'm off. My digi cam awaits! TC GB...

life after death...why? [March 18, 11:10pm | shine]

I finished my Human Sexuality final. Dammit that sucked azz. I turned in my paper for 100b, and thats the only thing I am looking forward to. Today I found out my grade for my paper in Lang Devt. Holy Sh*% say good bye to grad school. Seriously, I need to ace the final to get a B-. Thats how deep in the hole I am. Don't get me wrong, I tried to get interested inthat class, and the topics were interesting, but the tests were not a fair reflection of what was being taught. 25 questions on a final? Geez! WTF??? see how pissed I am? And I haven't even taken the final yet. For all you smart azzes out there YES I HAVE BEEN STUDYING FOR IT but I know it won't do JACK.

As for my pissy attitude, well I calmed down a bit after talking to my friend who cheered me up, but as usual, my happiness never really lasts long. Something always seems to find a way to crush the little happiness I have left. I am being tested. But I know what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. Time and again, I have been avoiding negativity and saying stupid drastic things cause I know God would never forgive me for saying or doing anything to harm myself. No I am not that stupid to even come close, but I occasionally feel so drained that I can't help but think what if?

Life is wonderful. It certainly is, but right now its not showing me its good side. But you know what? I don't want to live this I don't care attitude like certain people i know. I have to stop thinking of life like a chore I have to just get by or let pass. I have to find a way to get some good out of it. I don't know what to do. I guess I should leave all my inhibitions and just let things take me where they would have if I wasn't so scared to let them be.

Why is it that I don't try hard enough? WHy is it that I act the way I do despite knowing that it gets me no where? Why am I so afraid of failure? Why am I so afraid of not being accepted for who I am and what I really feel? Why is it that I can't tell anyone anything I feel like telling them? Why do I even care about what others think? Why do I let my mind rule my heart? Why am I so scared to live? Why would I prefer to not exitst? Why can't I follow my own advice? Why can't I be honest with myself? Why am I so scared to confess? Why am I afraid of God? Why am I ashamed of myself? Why am I such a bad person? Why am I never good enough? Why do I feel the way I do? Why doesn't anyone understand? Why doesn't anyone care? Why doesn't anyone give? WHy doesn't anyone share? Why doesn't anyone forgive? Why doesn't anyone love? Why does everyone hate? Why do we kill? Why are we so angry? Why can't we just all get along? Why can't I just be? Why can't I just be me? Why am I so confused? Why do Jehovah's Witnesses think they know all the dumb answers? Why do mormons try and compete with them? I DONT FRIKKIN KNOW. Why? Its all rhetorical so don't even try and answer cause I can do that on my own.

am SICK and TIRED of EVERYTHING IN MY F*ked up way of life. I am not good for SH*%. I am not good for anything. I haven't done anything significant to help anyone. I haven't really achieved anything I can be truly proud of, I am not a good enough friend. I am not a good enough daughter. I am not a good sister. I am not a good Christian. I am not a good student. I am not a good anything. I am good at being non existent. Being discrete as possible. I try to sit in the corner and attempt to fade away in hopes that no one will notice I am alive, yet deep down wishing that some one would. I know it is wrong to say that there is NO one, because I know there would be if I let people know, if I include those that are already there for me. Don't get me wrong, I am eternally grateful for God's grace that He has given me such friends who love me for who I am. Yet there is still a void I cannot explain. It is a pain that fills my soul, that is, if I have one. Does the Holy Spirit dwell in me as the Book says? If it does, I know it cries with me in sorrow. For I have a withered spirit. I weap. I bleed. I wake, I die. I fade.

extraordinary dork... [Mar 15, 2002 10:25am | shine]

Yeah yeah, write the daym paper. I will in just a minute I went to check up on my dorky sister's page and saw her hella funny entry. This is what I have to put up with at home on regular occasion. I didn't know it was that funny when written out, but then anything is funny when my bro...I mean sister (yeah thats right) puts it into her own words. I guess its funnier if you were in on it, but here it is none the less =P. dorks page...its the Feb 20 entry in the gray box.

beautiful life...don't even try and sing! [Mar 15, 2002 10:25am | shine]

Yes life can be so beautiful despite all the crap we go through it all turns out fine in the end. I can attest to this. Wed afternoon on my way back to the dorms something happened that just made me feel good inside. God indeed works all the time in the least expected way. Recieving a sincere blessing from a stranger more than made my day =).

Today was my final for 175. YEY ITS OVER!!! Now i just hope i get an A on the dumb final. I finished with time to spare and I got all the concepts down flat out. I just hope Trilby can read my chicken scratch. I learned my lesson from the last test to forget the punctuation, composition, scribbles and whatever. I let all frikkin hell break loose on my writing. =P

Hey Crip, so sorry again if I have been dead for a while. YES I STILL HAVE A PULSE. Sorry I went zip on the respirator last night. You know how it is. Anyway, if you go to San Diego, drop by my house and get the Rox's sweater in my room. I think its there somewhere in a UCLA bag. If not, ask Sheryl and search. BTW, keep my room clean! I don't wanna see it trashed when I get back. I'll talk to you by Wed afternoon if I can catch you or I'll just call on yer cell or something aight?

Arighty, I guess I should be off to my paper. MUST get this dumb thing out of the way before I can efficiently study for the two other classes. K, i am being pretty good huh? I guess I should be acting the way I did for 175 for all my classes. eh? It's so much better to do it this way in stead of cramming the last 3 days...not a good way to go esp if you have papers due at the same time! TAke it from me...God Bless...Take Care....

finals week [Mar 13, 2002 1:54pm | shine]

So sorry I've neglected everyone the past week or so (CRIP! sor sorry dude, KC, Pauline, Bri, Rox, BM). No I am not avoiding YOU I am avoiding EVERYONE...hehe. just kidding. I have only one name unblocked =) you guys know who it is =P. Its finals now and my brain is wasting away. I haven't done crap. Our kitchen is up and running btw. I just cut up some mangoes my mom gave me when they came to visit over the weekend. Actually, I made them come over cause I needed to replenish my goods here =P but hey, she gave me mangoes too =) i love my mom. They dropped me off some stuff and some letters.

On Friday I met with Marie, and I found out her baby is due some time spring. I think she might go with the name I suggested "Noel" or "Isiah". They wanted Biblical reference. Well, I am happy for her. Sux I have to get a new counsellor though.

Saturday I pretty much tried to study for 100b and psych 175. Will came over twice over the weekend despirate for notes. Sunday I called my mom to see what was up. I miss my mom =( It was their anniversary on the 6th. I called btw! I also drew Frieda Kahlo to ease my mind off studying, I think sat night. I showed it to Cris after church and I told him to critique it. His brother is an artist and Cris also a perfectionist to an extent so I trusted him. Plus I knew it didn't look right. I fixed it immediately and showed it to him during our poster session. He liked it =).

Same day when I got back, Will came over, yet again despirate for notes from Mon. Oh and Y came over too just to see why I haven't been online lately, but it w as too weird with the other WIll there so I guess the two guys kinda felt awkward. Anyway,Vero and I were pretty worried since Mon never came back since she left. But alas she came 12mn. Later that night, her cram session began and Will had apparently left her book at Janice's room, which happened to be nextdoor, but no one would answer. Long story short. Will is banned from our room hehe..., and technology can be a very wonderful thing =) Eric, Janice, Will, Kenny, Mon, Me, and this other chick were involved in some way just to get Monica;s book =P Go figure. Arighty, got one last Disc sect. to go to. hope it all goes well. Imma be baking and cookin next qtr! Peace out, God Bless...

e!  (Mar 4, 2002 12:54am)

Moving is a pain. Luckily it was just down the hill and across the street. What sucked was the elevator was broken. So we had to take the stairs. It was ok though cause I didn't carry anything really heavy. I helped Kenny move his stuff. It was funny watching everyone carry things over and hauling their stuff upstairs, esp Chris with his computer and Kenny's skateboard. I was really bummed today about them leaving. It was all sinking in so fast all of a sudden like when I had to leave our house in Salinas. I couldn't believe it, and yet it was happening. It wasn't that bad cause I got to see the place. Dude, De Neve is hella nice. They get frikkin new rooms with their own bathroom and thermostat and closet space. Like a hotelroom. Geez. So nice, so lucky and they don't have to pay extra and they get to stay fer one more year! Daym.

Well the lounge is empty and the guys are all gone. Its not gonna be the same. I won't be seeing any of them eat in the dining halls anymore or making noise in the lounge or that ugly chair with the flags all over it, or the door with all those skulls and drawings and their wall of posters or Kenny's borrowing of weights or Chris poppin his head in the door for no reason. No more Will buggin me or monica for notes, and no more running into pete up the elevator. And of course, no more seeing Kenny everytime I got to the restroom and him goin to the restroom. Its gonna be weird not seeing them around as often. Kenny says they're still gonna eat over here, I dunno how long its gonna last. I know i'd be too tired to walk all the way up here just to eat from De Neve when they have Bradley just there with better food.

They're gonna have a party nextweek though. So its all good. I wonder if I should go. I know theyd be mad if I didn't. Did I mention they all live next to each other on the same floor? So funny they live on the 5th floor too. Well, I am glad they got a decent place. Sad they had to leave all of us behind. I miss them already. Oh well. Guess I'll be runnin in to them one day in south campus. Least Kenny is poli sci and Chris is psych so yeah. Weird I only saw Chris once this qtr on campus...only bec we stayed late. K, I am tired and I barely finished my paper. Got so much to tell. but so much drama.TTYTM. TC, GB.

sacrifice and moving on (Mar 1, 2002 12:44am)
I just finished talking to my cousin. He has a drivers training in a few hours. The last day of February means that finals are a comming and the guys are leaving =(. I saw Kenny G. this afternoon and he told me and mon to write on their fairwell banners. I was gonna write anyway. I told Kenny I was gonamiss them. It sux cause we didn't get a chance to talk more. Its funny cause they're just moving down the hill across the street, but we all know that there is a very slim chance we'd see each other again. I also has a little encounter with Chris. I guess the bad vibe we had before disappeared. I am really gonna miss those guys. Weird cause I saw Will, Rich and Jarrod, but not Pete. Oh well. I feel sad that they have to go, but they deserve to live in an actual room and not a lounge. I never had a chance to battle on psx. I really wanted to kick their azzes on bustagroove. Oh well. They're leaving on Sunday =(. Im so sad. My friends are leaving =( and its in De Neve!

Oh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BROTHER ERIC. Sorry bata if I couldn't come home for your birthday. Tatay couldn't pick me up. Don't worry, I'll make it up to you.

Yesterday was pretty kewl. Cris, Miles and I watched 40 days nd 40 nights. It was a pretty good movie. A bit too phallic and nudist, but what can ya do? Guys will love the movie. I thought it was funny. It could have done off with that sea of boobs though. I'll tell you this, you won't look at white orchids the same way again.

Well, as usual, my roomies are not here and I am trying to make sense of my paper and the people around me. As I look to my right, I see that finals are creeping in closer and the end of the semester. And it feels like it just started. I feel sad cause I have yet to find an apartment. I don't know. I know I'll find some way. I also have to think about summer classes, SPACE peercounsellor position, Psi Chi, volunteer work, internships, my GPA =(, honors =(, minoring in Applied Developmental Psych, and picking and getting in the classes I need. I have so much to think about its not even funny. And yet, I find myslef doing nothing. Well tomorrow I will do my laundry, shower, and eat and head off to BIo Med and research on Lang Devt and write and finish my paper, then attempt to re write my notes and study for my classes for achange then repeat the next day, and feel bad cause the guys are leaving. and then go to Tribly's office hours on monday  and complain about my exam score.

Now I am tired. Did so much today...yeah uh, I guess cause I went to Bio Med. anyway I am off to bed so I can do laundry tomorrow b4 some baztard gets my time slot. nite yall. Peace out. No meat its Lent..was friday.

ultimate peeves and chicken _____ feb 27, 2002 

10:01pm
And the issues continued and now they are considerably different. So confused, but the feeling is worse...in a different way. Dammit, this sux. Well its over. I want to cry, but my gut is holding me back. Plus I think them nasty turnips I ate the night b4 are commin back...or is it the nasty yellow rice...ewwww. Whatever, I'd glad Cris is here for me to talk to. Arighty, to day was not bad. Oh and I forgot to say HBD to the fish yesterday...my bad =\
peace out, God bless...I love INDEPENDENT!

8:36pm
OMG, i just got back from dinner and I never thought rice could taste so bad. So nasty! Luckily the fish and vegs were good. Mon and I litterally spit out the stuff cause it was so bad. We were wondering how anyone could eat such crap, but there were actually some people who did.

I found out two days ago that the guys from the lounge are leaving on sunday =( I am sad. I am gonna miss those guys, especially Kenny. Oh well, I guess I won't hear "who is your daddy...?" anymore.

On a lighter note, I like spinning on a stationary board. Mon uses it to find her center balance for skating. I thought she used it to write on stationary (hehe), then I saw it and didn't get it. It looks like two square pieces of sandpaper with ball bearings in the middle like a sandwich. its kewl. I really thought it was a righting instrument of somekind, but I had no idea how yer supposed to use it.

11:23am
I know what you guys are thinking and yer wrong! I did not stay up all night, but I did sleep! So there. Why so early in the entry? Well, procrastination. I always have so much crap to do and yet I end up prioritizing nothing. Lately I have been neglecting my art mediums and my site and digital imaging (excluding my research experiment with cris and thuy). I feel that I should start now while I wait for my roomie so we can eat lunch.

I went to class and I didn't fall asleep...yes progress. My laptop freaked on me this morning right when I was shuttin git down...so weak! I was going crazy trying to fix it and then after class I went to the stc in despiration fogetting that the battery can easily be removed. SUCH AN IDIOT! I did everything BUT that! Well, I am definitely sure I am gonna ditich this laptop and claim the insurance and get a Vaio with a bigger hd, sdram, and windows xp (yes I mighty as well). Now my problem is backing up all the files and programs. Dammit!

Out of my procrastination, and since its such a nice and beautiful February mornin (nice to surf, skate, and beach) I finally checked out my lil sis' page. I am impressed. I guess thats what happens when you have more spare time than you think you do and spend all of it on page making. For a while, I was better than her at this stuff, then I stopped completely and she began the painstaking task of plagierizing....eh borrowing stuff from other sites and figuring out codes for all sorts junk which I no longer have the time to do. If you check out her site you'll know what I mean...she has WAY too much time on her hands. Either that, or she don't do everything else she is supposed to...like STUDYand CLEAN the house!  Well, at least I see the fruits of her labor...litterally. Check her useless and funny page out...its basically about nothing but its quite amusing. And if you have an aa (asianavenue) sn, her sn is Little Islander.

Ok now I gotta find a way for her to take my pic off that daym page. Hmmm, I feel some inspiration to draw all of a sudden. I think being the Historian for Psi Chi will be so much fun. Can't wait to stick my art work on the web page and them pix. Gotta love pictures! Yeh and I owe Cris a painting...hmmm, what should I do? Alll my oil paint and brushes and palette is with my aunt, and my watercolors are at home. Hmmm. oh well I guess I should just sketch while I am here. Then I guess I should work on my paper for lang devt. Arighty. bye fer now. Skaters are so kewl...must get a board, must get a board...practice olies...must practice.


great expectations  (feb 26, 2002  11:00 pm) .

Time is ticking away. And if you are Monica and are reading this...you suck! She is my problems right now. Well, she is just making me get on with what I have to do, which is killing me right now.

Anywho, Psi Chi had their elections of officers today and I did get elected as Historian...so NICE! I am so happy. Cris got in as External relations Officer. Our new president is Narine. She is kewl. I am glad Cris is on the govt with me though. I know I am gonna have so much fun. Now I have to buy a digital camera =).

I also got my paper back. I did ok. I was expecting that score. Not bad for something I did in 2 hrs. As for my dilema, well, it should be over in less than an hour. By tomorrow, I can start worrying about my lang devt paper, my 100b midterm, and my psych 175 final...did I mention I also have to enroll for spring qtr on thurs? daym. and I hve to think about apartment seeking and summer classes. darnit. Oh well! Ok, gtg. yeah its short, but I am too tired to write more. oh and Happy 21st to Brian today! God Bless and peace out!

good old american pie   (feb 25, 2002  9:02 pm) .

This weekend was pretty kewl. I decided not to go to Vegas cause I was too tired. My dad and our aunts, and uncle went. My cousin stayed over our house since his mom and dad went. On Friday when I got home, we went to my aunt's house in Camarillo to visit my cousin and my nice from Michigan. Bianca is so cute, my niece. She is such a good baby and so beautiful too. Never cried or fussed. Drank all her medicine and ate all her food. She turned 1 on Feb 10. I carried her while my cousin fed her. She is so cute! Well, everyone imporant was there. It was kewl. We brought some cheese cake and pizza. The food was good. My aunt's specialty...Chinese.
     Later on, after the party, my other cousin went home with us cause his parents and my dad went to Vegas with my two other relatives. We hung out and talked till the wee hours of the morning (4am). It was fun to talk about things I never really could talk about with any of my other relatives. I think it also helps that he's a guy who is also experiencing similar situations. I can see gender differences in the way we handle problems as well as our age gap of three years taking into effect. Yet, we see some views so similarly. It kinda weird cause we know each other pretty well.
     We watched American Pie that night. He brought a bunch of dvd's I haven't seen yet. So I finally saw the infamous movie. It was different from what I expected, but it was still funny and crude. We watched ap2 the next night. I thought it was so much better because they were college students (they have a scene in front of Kerchoff...so kewl UCLA is over used!). More so, the characters matured a bit to some degree and friendships were tested. It reminded me of my highschool life.
     Saturday we went to the Premium Outlet and went to PacSun to buy some clothes. So many kewl shirts but no decent ones fer girls in my size, not even small from the guy's section. Oh well. We also went to Tilly's and Anchor BLue at Esplanade. That place looks so much nicer now. Plus Nordstrom is right there next to Bed and Bath, and some other kewl stores. Later that night we watched ap2. Later that evening we went online and checked out my sister's quizzes and then saw the scores for the college basketball games. We kicked Stanford azz! I later gave him the laptop so he could surf without me having to supervise in my room. I was so sleepy and I had to wake up fer church so yeah.
     Next morning I went to church alone cause my sibs and cousin were too lazy to go. The sermon was great. Father Jon was really funny. I leared about how thousands of years ago, polytheistic peoples used to sacrifice humans to their gods. So gross. I also learned that Fr. Jon can't resist chocolate, and that telenovelas are bad and rap music is bad, but then I already new all of that =P. After church I went to Best Buy to get ap2 soundtrack cause I likes the songs in the movie. When I got there the store was still closed 10 min b4. So we all waited and then I looked arounf fer the cd and they didn't have it. I looked at Oleander, The Calling, and Incubus. I was debating as to which two to get. I decided to just get one "The Calling". I haven't bought cds ina while too.
   Later on, I get home, I find my grand aunt awake (they got back from vegas at 5am). So I drove them back home. I get back and do my thing and cook some orange chicken (my version), mixed vegs, and baked raviolli. A little later, my mom comes home from her lunch break and we go to Sams to get the pix  (which were not ready yet) then aunt comes to pick up my cousin. I get my stuff ready for school while my dad edits and makes a copy of their trip to vegas for my grand aunt b4 they leave this Friday. I attempt to memorize the way over here (ucla) and realize its farther than I thought esp when you pay attention. It kinda freaked me out cause I'm gonna end up driving here one day alone...I know I can, but I just need to try it with a friend a couple times then maybe I can by myself. Growing up is so sucky, but it makes you feel good that you can do things on your own, eventually. being 20 does suck all that much anymore, its time for me to move on and become open to change and leave my childishness, well some of it anyway.
God Bless.

bipolar  feb 23, 2002  8:47 pm) .

That is exactly how this entire week had been. Extreme highs and extremem lows. This type of thing cal kill a person. Luckily (I dunno for who), I am still alive. My birthday weekend was mixed with so much extreme high and low emotions. I don't know if I can take it if it would happen again.
     I finally came home after being at school for 3 weeks. Now thats a record. I didn't really want to go home, but it was a three day weekend and my birthday and I needed to restock on my goods and I was running out of moolah.
     Valentines was way overrated. So many people carrying baloons and flowers and stuff. Our floor made Valentine cubby thingys on the board too and this whole definition of love thing where some jerks wrote gay azz stuff. Cris and I Went to Westwood after class and checked out the market place. We exchanged roses and he also gave me a cute eeyore card. We talked alittle then got back to the dorms. I finally decided to open Mon's gift. I was leaning towards a piglet stuffed animal =P so close! But I got an eeyore backpack (so nice). Later Cris came over and gave me my birthday present...I didn't expect him to ever come over, but he did. Isn't he sweet? After he left, I opened it and He gave me a nice sketch pad and colored pencils. How thoughtful is this guy? He's too nice. Well I was so happy that day. My roomie and I had a talk on Ash Wed and I felt we had a better connection. It was a good feeling. Thurs evening we had a lighter talk and she later left for home, while my other roomie went to a party, as usual.
     Later that evening, my friend and I were talking online and we were both alone =(  so my friend came over, much to my surprise, and talked for a long time I guess from 11-1:30. It was good to talk. I miss talking to people like that. Its hard when you are in college.
     The next day I find out my dad thought I was supposed to be picked up sat. But he came anyway. He then blew the secret of my "surprise party" so much for that. I helped my mom prepare for the party while I did my laundry and stuff. Grama Zeny and ate Celeste helped out on Sat too. We went to the base and to the store to buy some pasalubong.
      Next day we go to church. It was kewl. I later drove to Grama Mita's house to pick up ate Celeste and Grama Zeny. They wanted to help my mom with cooking, but most of it was done. All my wanted relatives and friends in VC came over. It was so nice. I had alot of fun. I got alot of hugs that day and some moolah too =)...finally! But seriously, I had alot of fun. We had four playstations in our house that day. Mike's Shery;'s Marv's and Noni's. It was funny. Two with mod chips and two with out.
     Later that evening when everyone left. I finally got a chance to check my mail. I got birthday greetings from my friends back in highschool. It was kewl they didn't forget. I also talked to my friend and some others until1:30am then I went up and talked to my other friend up north.
     Monday 18th, we drove to Pacific View and all around Ox lookin fer stuff. BTW, i got a dozen roses in my birthday...so beautiful. Anyway, I got my h20 and juice restocked so I was all set. My dad finally drove me back to the dorms where I was greeted with the usual birthday banners and surprisingly a bouquet of  white roses. I just love flowers. Anyway, My friend Immed me and was mad cause I didn't tell him it was my birthday. Funny cause I didn't tell him when he was imming me on my birthday. Anyway, I blocked him cause he was mad I didn't want a present. Then he signs on a diff sn, and I block again. hehe. He finally comes over to protest. So funny. Anyway, the night goeas bad after that but I don't want to talk about it.
     I finally work on my 100b paper the evening it was due. After bugging Cris about the 100b study and paper, my other friend caught me online and we talked till 3:30am. I kept it going cause my major stressor of the week was over (my paper). And I couldn't sleep, But I had to cut it short cause I had an early class and I didn't want to fall asleep in class again.
     Today its thurs. So hot. 74 deg F. I finally turned in the paper after some minor adjustments. I am just happy it is over. Crish, Thuy and I went to Bradlley after class and bought some munchies. The food there is good, too bad its hella far and so many stairs to climb. I get back up here and finally force myself to take a nap. I feel pretty good. We had an olympic theme thing goin on at the dining hall. The food was pretty good although I wasn't hungry. So I just ate salad, fruit, and cheese sticks. The chocolate banana wasn't good though. After one bite, I put it down. Arighty, I am gonna go and take a deserved shower. Wow, 1 week in one paragraph. I guess I left out alot. Its ok. Gtg Vegas is a commin. Fri, sar an sun. so nice...peace out!

10% stress free?  feb 12, 2002  9:05 pm) .

I'd like to yell freedom right now, but I can't cause I am still bound to other stupid organizations and commitments, but nevertheless I am frikkin done with my stupid midterms hellish week. Daym my neck is in the worst condition, not to mention my back and my entire body is in frikkin pain after all the studying...so to speak...that I have been doing, not to mention the whole not allowed to look up while yer testing cause it looks like yer cheating thing. So yeah, my neck is in major pain.

Regardless, I am just so blah...that's right blah. Thats how I feel about it all. I have come to the point that I didn't really care what happened as long as my midterms were over. I finished 4 midterms and 2 papers, 2 meetings ans other issues in two daymn days. Thats right 2 days. It can't be healthy.

Anywho, I just got back from sunset. My friend and I talked for the longest time (we lost track). For me, it was a major stress release. After our class, we went to Bio Med to check some articles for our experiment then we killed time at the botany garden across the street (reminds me of P.I. actually...pretty nice overthere). We talked about our lives and our issues. We went to the Psi Chi meeting and check out the government positions. I dunno if Imma actually run, but my friend might just help me gather my courage and go for it. After the meeting we walked to the dorms and talked and just lounged at sunset village. It was so nice to talk like that. I really miss my bestfriend in highschool, but my friend now has been a really great person to talk to. As close to a bestfriend I have right now.

Tomorrow I guess we're going to church at the UCC for Ash Wednesday. I can't wait to go. I haven't been able to go for 2 weeks. I am in major need of the House of God. Not to sound all religious or holy, cause I am not. Going to church for me, is just a really really wonderful experience. I am not a fanatic religious person, but I do believe in God and our Catholic faith, but not necessarily all of it. Now I have to figure out how to walk down all those stairs in heels. Daymn, thats what I get fer being not girlish enough. I prefer skater shoes and baggy jeans...go figure.

feb 13 2:05am
yes I am still up. I never had a chance to finish this thing cause I had sooo many people pestering me. Then I find out that apts for first pass have been set out so I had to look fer classes next qtr. dagnab. I only have 3 classes so far. I want four. MAN! This sux so bad. Plus I have to leave early tommorow for the sale (yeah cuzins, you guys owe me!). and I have to go through lecture and discussion for comm psych...ugh. Luckily I'll have the mass later to make me happy. By then, I have to worry about my 100b first submisson, lang devt, research paper, FAFSA, and that dumb letter from Murphy. WTH!!! I am so glad that there is always a three day week end for me on my month because of me =). Michael Jordan can probably say the same =) . Oh and one of my friends is trying to get buff over night and won't listen to a frikkin word I say. I tell you, eating those junk bars and killer pills is not the way to do it, not to mention eating nothing and working out. Don't be a moron and even think about doing that. Its not worth risking your life for. As for my friend, I will have to smack him around I guess to knock some sense into him.

Well I gtg sleep. I am so dang tired. peace out, God Bless. Ash Wed.

peppermint patty spin offf...God , love, hugs and kisses.  feb 10 2002 (9:23pm)

I was originally gonna talk about those four things in the title. I just realised I forgot about it. I was originally gonna right it this morn b4 I took a shower but I was lazy so i decided to do it later. So now that I remember. I'll try and get to it. I find that dropping names is hard not to do esp when you have alot of people around you. Never the less, I'll keep trying. Anyway, I was talking to my friend about these things and the e-mail he sent to me and the comment I sent back. In addition to this, we talked about the little incident I had with another person. He says I should stop being mean asn basicaly let the guy make his peace. Well at the moment, I was feeding an anger high type thing, so I wasn't exactly up for the whole forgive in an hour bit. Then there are those issues of God (which we occasionally talk about), love (something I should say more often to family, but we're not huggy kissey either), hugs (something I only give to kiddies longtime no see relatives and a friend in need), and kisses (the only  type of which I give freeley to babies my mom in in church and that's about it).

My friend agrees with me for the most part about my views about who to give what, but he thinks people should give out hugs more often. According to him, there is enough voilence in the world and he thinks giving people hugs will help lessen the anger. I totally agree  with him completely, but I guess those things are just really sacred to me. I see too many people doing and saying these things like they are nothing, like they mean nothing. When I give them, it is a very big deal to me since I choose those I give to. Why so touchy about it? Well, especially when I am not forced to hug someone, it is like giving a part of me away for them to keep. And I think that is special. I am open for a hug if I am asked sincerely. I love hugs after all, I just don't get too many cause I don't have a huggy kissy affectionate family in that sense. We just know and we do. Althought I know sometimes that isn't enough, it doesn't feel natural to me. All I know is that I want my family to be less standoffish like my parent's families. I think it goes with the whole generation gap thing. My generation is more affectionate physically I suppose. Well, I am off. Again, I am tired. I think I need a new back. Time to sleep...ok, breathe in and breathe out, when I wake, I will be ready for my com psych and 100b midterms...I hope! God Bless and Take Care Peace out.

peppermint patty feb 10, 2002  (7:45 pm) .

I dunno why I like em so much. I am munchin on one as I type this.=). Well, I just got back from the study lounge and before that I was @ Bio Med...that is my new home =P. Anyway, I've been putting off writing here out of laziness. I stopped writing in a journal cause of laziness (actually cause I am dang tired all the time), and now I am even getting too tired to do this. Oh well!  I'll start from Sat.

feb 9, 2002
(aww no more peppermint patty =(...oh well) Arighty, I did the whole Bio Med thing...yes you will stop hearing of it after this week, maybe (I got more research to do). I left a little early before they kicked me out. and I was planning to look for some stuff at the student store. Dang nabbit, it was frikkin closed. So I gathered up my courage to go and check out this place called aahs! down in Westwood. I realized that the stores start piling in a few hundred feet of the main school grounds. Anywho, the place was pretty kewl. They had lots of stuff I've been lookin for, especially  novelty items from Strawberry Shortcake, Popples and Care Bears. The weird thing is, despite the variety in selection, they lack in the basics. They don't have Disney stuff, Garfield, and decent gift wrap and books. Weird eh? Oh well. I know that place will clean me dry if it was closer to campus.

So I basically looked around then came back to the dorms. I passed by Pauley and heard the UCLA-USC womens volleyball game. I think we were barely winning. I dunno what happened though. I got back and rested a bit and I chatted with a few friends. Ok I will try and refrain from name dropping cause I should know who these people are. Well it happened to be one of my friends birthdays on that day. Since I didn't see him in the morning, and I spent the entire day at BioMed, I deceided to give it once I got back. Later, I caught him online and I said hi, but he had to leave. Moments later he signs back on and invites me to play cards. I think about it while I talk to my other friend about our proposal and his story. He tells me to go. I decide to stop by and watch since it was his borthday. Soon, it was almost 12mn and I wanted to give the present before it wasn;t his birthday so he beat me to imming and he asked if I was going. I said yes but I forgot the room#. He tells me to go to my neighbor's room cause the people were there.  I get there in the dreary tornadoesqu room and see that they, rather one person, was watching a movie on the computer with his face nearly glued to the monitor. Our friend was on the phone and this other guy I met previously handed to phone to me. So I talk and he says he'd be up in  a few. The movie obsessed person asks what I was doing there and I tell him why and he tells me to give it to him, but then he ws comming up anyway. Our friend soon gets there and I tell him I wanted to give him something. Seemingly he was surprised about me giving a gift, which was kewl cause I always fuss about getting presents. I just like giving gifts to people I care about.  Anyway he was sweet about it and streched out to give me a hug...awww . See, he's a sweetie. Anyway, we were gonna start talking then my neighbor started yelling to go away and leave cause it was getting noisy and crowded. I decided to go, my friend was, yet again surprised I was leaving.

I decided to go and not watch the game. I was tired anyway. The only reason why I was going in the first place was to give him the gift and I already did. I left and got back to talking to my two friends then my neighbor ims me b4 leaving to the poker game. I basically tell him to go away and it trails from there. Mad was I? Eh, at the time, a little. So I get back to my thing and the birthday boy IMs me saying he liked the gift (I dunno what the truth is in that though) but he was sweet nonetheless. Before I knew it the movie kid bombards me with sad faces and I wasn't taking it. I end up talking the night away with two of my friends and I realized it was almost 2, so I decided to turn in. more insight

feb 10, 2002
Thats means today. I get back from studying and check my mail and get imed by my cousin who happened to be at my house along with my other uncle and his daughter. My cousin is SD was on also and they both imed me on msn. I didn't know msn automatically signs on. Well my two cousins basically beg for a UCLA sweater and my dad wants a visor. Oh well. I guess I'mma be gettin em. Good thing theres an Anti-Valentinesday sale at Ackerman =).  Well, now I have 2 midterms tomorrow and my friend and groupmate now tells me the proposal is due Tues and totally shocks me. Anyway, I guess I'll be well, stuying...yeah right. Ok, maybe a little more Comm psych. Human Sexuality review was lame btw. oh and I made a new friend from Saxon Suites. k, laters people. Ciao. God Bless Peace out.

cumbersome  feb 8, 2002  (11:19pm) continued...

I don't care how much science has allowed us to maximize our life span. Like is still to short, and yet we always seem to complicate things. Why must we do these things to our selves? I will tell you why, like I was telling Cris a few minutes ago. Sometimes, whether we admit it nor not, without these stressors, life would be as exciting as watching paint dry (I personally wouldn't mind if it was oil paint, but you get the idea). We actually need, or subconsciously generate, some of these problems to keep the blood flowing and to keep our lives interesting. Its just that, sometimes, we become overwhelmed by the level of change, we don't know what to do.

I just got off msn msgr (my cousin begged me to dl it so i could talk to her, her brother, wouldn't let her use AIM since it messes up their comp) . Well after a few cut conversations, I and my cuz included, realize that we I have strikingly similar dilemas and outlooks on the topic of our dicussion aside from a few obvious things  (I think our problems  run in the family...least thats what we figure =) and we don't really get a chance to talk). Its weird to have such a good connection like that with my cousins. I guess it would make sense since I am the oldest of the younger cousin generation. Well anyway, we act similarly on things. I just think she deserves so much better on a certain part of her life. From afar, she seems to have a perfect one, but alas, she is still unhappy. Such a very sweet and beautiful person too. I don't think anyone would disagree with me (I am not being biased cause she's related cause I will tell you if my cuz is a b).

I know I should be studying like what Cris told me, but I am too frikkin tired to do that right now. Plus I have two additonal stressors in my way, darn, make that three. Gotta do stupid laundry, I am out of major funds (haven't been home in 2 weeks), and I have to study and I have this dilema of the proposal and running for a govt position in psi chi, and a meeting in spear and the 30th annive for spear and this other thing...dammit. I say that word alot, sorry, but I personally think its better than saying alot of other words.

Well I better get going. Gotta sleep. My back is killing me slowly...not even softly. So tired so very very tired.

"I'm just a little black rain cloud,
hovering under the honey tree..
.I'm just a little black rain cloud,
pay no attention to me"

peace out, God bless!


(7:29pm)
Geeze Louise. ok cumbersome. like cucumbers but a little bit. For me its just alot. I can't wait to get next week overwith.I know the tests aren't that bad, but its the waiting that is getting to me. More so, I am just too damn tired. I have been giving in to my sleep just to see how it feels to sleep when you are actually at the moment of dead tired. I can tell you "its such a good feeling..." as Mr. Rogers would sing "...and when you wake up ready to say, 'I think I'll make a snappy new day'...". Yes I loved watching Mr. Rogers on pbs. I was a pbs kid. No matter where my family was stationed, I'd be watching Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers, Square One, and 321 Contact. Well it lasted till i was in the 4th grade and it went down hill from there. I think those programs just lost their grace as well.

Back to what I was saying (I often go off into a tangent like that incase ya haven't noticed already), yesterday, after much disagreement,  Cris, Thuy and I finally decided on an experiment for our Psych 100b class, and we set a date to work on the project and fine tune it (much to my dissapointment that the date would be broken to my inconvenience since I am not available any other time cause of other engagements). The three of us waked to the dorms and Thuy went to eat. Cris and I talked for about an hour or more (I dunno how long that was) but in anycase, I got some things off my mind, so to speak and I cut our conversation short to get going.  Well last night, I went online after alienating it for two days. I get a ton of IMs and e-mails (I didn't know I was so loved  =P whatever), and I find out my cousin is actualy going to the semi formal dance. Dilemas dilemas. I helped him clear, or possibly confuse some things while I tried to keep track of the people I was talking to on AOL and AIM. I was neglecting people from time to time.

Speaking of neglect, well, one of my friends apparently felt, um, snubbed? I think my roomie and I and the lounge guys were going out to eat dinner and he said hi, but I didn't see or hear him until he yelled (hey, its not my fault!). Of course its all good now. Just so many issues with so many people. I later talk to Cris, and he has similar nuissances in his life, but I guess they're less serious. Regardless, he's helped me alot just by listening and objectively advising. Of course I try to do my part as well.

That day I just got sick of all my efforts to read and be a "good student" Honors is not that far, yet I feel it moves slowly out of my reach. I must think positive. That is why I must study efficiently. I have been dozing off like crazy the past few days. I gotta quit doin that. As a result of my flat affect towards studying, I had to cure my monotony. So that is where this page and my friends come in. I am so glad I have people to turn to even if its not a complete turn. Well, I gtg. I dunno if I can study...probably not tonight but I am positive I will have to for lang devt (my killer) and cog sci (my other back stabber). I still have sun for human sexuality (review session) and i got the 100b down i guess. Well, pray for me please?! God Bless and Take Care. Life is good. Believe it and it might just turn out to be that way.
WSS? well, I am that tired. No details. Just the main points I guess.

disillusioned  feb 4, 2002 (11:51pm)


As usual there is more. My life, I am sure like everyone else's is one complicated piece of work. I don't even know how it got this ...complex. It used to be so simple as a child. It seems that problems just get more complex. I don't know I just feel sick..to my stomach and litterally. I think I am comming down with something. I feel so worn out. I think it was because of my run from the dorms to NorthCampus and them my lack of sleep plus this new stressor and midterms back to back to back to back plus my quiz and I have to design an experiment and do research for my paper. Dag nabbit. Well, I know I'll get done these 2 whole weeks and be fine. I miss home already knowing that I will most probably stay yet again for studying purposed. Hopefully the stay will be productive. I can't study on the week days here. Well, enough whining. I know. Now I am helping my cousin get his thoughts together on writing his personal statement for UCLA and Berkeley. I hated it when I was writing my dumb letter. Now I have go through the crap again after already being in UCLA. Least I am rest assured I am helping my cuz. Well, I gtg. So tired. Gotta help with a personal statement. I'm out. buh bye. nitey nite.


(9:14pm)

My week was actually going fairly well. I was actually feeling like I was getting my studying down, but today just exploded in my face. Well, it wasn't that bad, but it could have been better.

Sunday feb 3, 2002. I woke up at 10:30am. I dunno why, cause I slept early (1:30am). I lay in bed trying to sleep some more, but I was wide awake for some reason. I do the whole routine take shower and check mail. As I was getting ready I got invited to eat so I said sure cause I was gonna eat anyway. After waiting a bit fer another friend, we ate and I had to leave because I had to study.

I got kicked out of BioMed on sat cause it closed early...dammit. Then I didn't know it closed @11pm on Sunday. So I stayed till about 7:30pm and upon getting back to the dorms, seeing that my roomie got back from home. We talked and caught up and then we went to Puzzles and I bought some pizza and fries. She was hungry, but decided not to eat cause of her diet thing...I was like "weak". Anyway, I ate 1/4 of my personal pizza and got full and she was mad at me for being full so fast while she was straving...esp withthe smell of fries inthe air. I forced myself to eat the rest and most of the fries (she didn't want any part of by the way), and our other roomie got back from her little trip.

My cousin IMmed me and we discussed certain issues which made both of us depressed. He counted down the hour, min, and secoinds of his birthday. I was the first to say HBD on his day. He had a party on sat (which I wasn't able to go to : (   but I'll make it up to ya mah cuz).

Today started off as usual. 7am-7:10am get up, shower, get ready, eat, and go. I get to class and try and understand the previous lecture. Our professor goes on FFwd mode and skips abunch of concepts. I get back to the dorms and rest and get into skater mode...dunno why. I just love skatboarding, skater gear, skater clothes, etc. Anyway, I made a spitfire icon so its all good. I switched watches (which was a big mistake). My roomies and I meet up to eat. I was so full from the pizza last night then i just ate ceral and a waffle for breakfast and a salad for lunch (I dunno, i think my stomach can no longer take large quantities of food. I don't think I love food as much as I used to...that sux. Oh well. My life's simple pleasures are no longerr). I got back up to the room and started fixing my icon when after my roomie asks what time my class is. I check and I realize its at 1 and I immegiately feel bad. I knew I was late. I realize my watch was an hour behind and I fly out the door so fast and nearly run all the way to class.

I left at 1 and got there 1:15. My class was in Dickson by the way...North freaking campus. and I had to walk all those dumb stairs and that dumb hill thing going to Powell..ugh so lame. Did I mention my shoes weren't exactly designed for running? They were heavy as ...well yeah. So I get there and Miss like 10-mins of lecture. She lectures fast and I missed quite a bit (yeah I know what yer thinking...time freak...its only 10 mins.! you wouldn;t say that if you knew that he lecture we get once a week, we get quized on that week...so yeah). I freak and sit waaaaaayyy in the back where i am basically blind. Luckily after an hour, we had a break and I search for a spot upfront.  My friend Cris looks fer me and spots me and saved me a seat wondering where I was. Isnt he sweet? Anyway, he was wondering where I was since I was never late, moreso I was always earlier than he (the braniac). So he thought something must have terribly gone wrong or I was gravely ill. Luckily I was neither, but I was still pissed. I am never using that watch again...esp for class.   Cris thoughtfully wrote his notes extra neat cause he knew I'd need them. We get to Sproul and we hang out in the lounge while I copy the stuff I missed. We talk for a bit and time flew so fast. I get back to Hedrick and see my roomie. We talk once more and my other roomie was on the edge due to midterms stress. I get out of her way and go down stairs and later get back to eat din din (fc, mp, corn) .

Ok so thats why my day sucked cause I was late for a very important class. Its not like one of those classes that you can fly by on. its 6 frikkin units. Once a week plus 2 labs. So I can't blow it off...not like I do that to any of my classes anyway, but that was a big no. I am never letting myself be so careless. I am usually half an hour early. I dunno why I was so relaxed about time at that point. I hate it when that happens. Plus I talked to my friend and found out news that made me feel so upset I felt sick to my stomach. I couldn't even swallow the food I was eating without the pain in my gutt. I know it will pass sooner or later. Geeze louise I sound so mellow dramatic. This is so lame. I am usually so happy. I dunno whats been going on. I am confused. I don't understand anything anymore. Well I'm out. Can't take this crap it makes me feel ill. Gotta get this aching feeling outta my system.God bless...peace out.

and the beat goes on... feb 2, 2002 (11:40 am)

Yes I am up bright and early. Hands are so cold. Its freezing in freaking sunny cali. Well I just got out of the shower so maybe that contributed to it. So where was I? Oh yeah I finally did my laundry after being oppressed by Kenny R. but its ok cause now I got clean clothes. Did I mention he came back slightly drunk? Not a pretty sight to see. Its not pretty to see a guy running around stoned in his boxers either, but that's  another story.

Ok back to the stuff. I honestly don't want to relive my dragging week, but I want to look back and see how I survived it. Right. On Thursday Cris and I atteneded a worshop thingy for apt peoples. I felt so discouraged and sick to my stomach after hearing all those hassles. I wish I could be more independent and confident as Cris, but alas, I am moving slowly but surely. We ate dinner afterwards at Covel. The fettucini (or however ya spellit ) was not that good, but i ate it anyway. After talking I decided to get going. I swear my roomate is bugging the heloutta me about him. I assure anyone, not that I need to, that he is 100% my friend and thats all. 

feb 1. i didn't even realize it was already feb. It suckes cause that means midterms are a comming, papers are due, valentines day sux and i'm getting old. damn. i used to love my month. oh well. its no ecaping.  My two roomies abandoned me. One left for Big Bear and the other went home. I, as i mentioned after class went to Bio Med. I wish I would have gotten more done, but I think I'll do more good today. As i got home, 6:30pm, I immediately was bugged by friends online. I fcontinued fixing dead links inconsistencies and whatever on my page. My roomie finally left at 7:30pm and I was alone but I couldn't study cause of my cousin, sister, and friends chatting with me. i finally said I was gonna turn in at 11pm (dammit, my mom is making lumpia right now for my cousin's party...I want some!). Then my correction, neighbor several doors down IMMed me to go and play poker. Alas I said no and no and no and no and no etc...You get the idea, but dammit he can bug you out of your mind. He wouldn't leave until i came along, but I really didn't want to go at all. The bugging lasted for about 10 mins or so. I think it was longer than that. Maybe 20.i seemed like forever. I swear most guys would have given up by then, but not him.

I know you are all gonna hate me for this, but I decided to go. Why? so he'd leave me alone =P Plus he was begging and it was getting really bad. Compromised like crazy just so I'd go. Anyway, it wasn't that bad. At least now I kinda know how to play poker. When I got back an hour later, my friend Immed me again and we talked for a while. He and his gf, my close hs bud got together in part cause of myhelp =) anyway, it was all going good. we talked about guitars and music, poetry and art. He aslo saw my bgs, and asked me if I was willing to make his album cover. I was like, heck YA. That would be so awesome. He also showed me thie (he and my friend's)r pic together...too luvy dovey if ya ask me, but hey, they're a new couple so I can cut them some slack.

Now much later as I was about to finally got o bed, my neighbor down the hall comes in to ask me if I wanted to go to Puzzles. Hey, I was realy tired and cold and sleepy its was 2am! if it was earlier quite possibly. I am not that much of a pushover. Anyway, since I didn't go and our friend didn't go either he asked me I said no, so he killed time (for a just reason) and bugged me for a few mins, pointing out, yet again like everyone else, that I should try and be more outgoing. Alas, I am as outgoing as Daria, scratch that, Jane maybe. So with his opinion taken into consideration, I agreed anyway, but I was too lazy to do it be 4, to unstretch my new bg for the index. I did and you can see it now if you check the main page. Now I am so tired...as usual. sometimes i get so sick of mylife, but I realize that living can be such a wonderful thing. I am a goodie-goodie. Will that lead me to my downfall? NAH. I can still be openminded and be a goodie-goodie at the same time. Other people may think I am a prune for doing the things I do, but hey, I am not denying it cause I am ani- kewl and anti-mainstream and anti-stereotype on various topics. Well I gtg and finish my laundry and go eat. Brunch was from 10:30am-2pm I think and I woke up, for some reason, at 8am. weird huh? I tried sleeping again but I woke @ 10 and couldn't go back to sleep. So yeah thats where my day began. My sister is aslo trying to make a techno mix by using vgame noises and techno song samples. I dunno how far she'll get, but I sure wanna hear it.  K, I'm geting cold so I'm gonna eat and study. laters people. buh buy...that's right bUy.like marv sez. tc God bless. peace out




rebirth feb 2, 2002

It's really really late...crap 3:45am. I should be sleeping and I will after I get a part of this done. So much drama the past two weeks and I bet no one has any idea what I am talking about. Well good, cause its for me to know and here to "vent". I made a new index image. Kinda ugly, but it matches my theme throughout the page.

I am soooooo tired. After doing nothing but feeling depressed the past few weeks, I decided to become productive and study. I went back to my fave hang out...Bio Med =P to study. Now my back is in pain. Oh well. All I got done was human sexuality. I still have three other midterms to study for..damn. Well anyway, a previous issue I had is now gone. In fact it's not an issue anymore because we talked and I am fine.

I forgot exactly which day, I suppose Sunday night, the lounge guys, Chris, Will, and Kenny came over. They basically bugged us about some stuff, sports, why we don't hang out with them, who we thought was cuter, etc. I thought that was lame. My roomie was all making a big deal about it cause the topic put her on the spot. But hey, I told them. They asked. Reaction? Dissappointed and sad, esp Will and Kenny. I guess their egos got deflated. It was so funny. I wasn't mean. They wanted the truth so I was honest.Later on when Chris and Will left, Kenny came over to just talk i guess. Continuing the conversation we had last friday. I never saw him so upset and in denial. And he says he doesn't have issues!  He asked us alot of questions about our situations, and wondered why we didn't confide in him. Ok lets see, he doesn't know how it is. He claims he can adjust. Yada yada yada. We finally get to the point where he asks if we think he's cute. In short, we say we never really saw him in that light. So we say yeah i guess, and he gets pissed cause it sounded exagerated. Then the I said no, he got more mad, then I said as an entire person yes. He was happy =P go figure. Seriously, Kenny is an all out nice guy, I guess I don't take him as seriously as he wants me too. How can I when he jokes around alot and occasionally throws in sarcasm? its all good though. We talked about having an emotional connection with people, and how people here are so different and not real. I of all people would know this, but I don't let it get to me.

What was surprising was, when the topic about relationships came over, he was quite touchy about it. I can understand though. He is more traditonal than others would assume. Ideal values and what not. He was telling me that if I meet people, don't trust guys like him. I thought that was funny. He was serious though. I could tell he was just lookin out fer his friends. I remember when I told him that Cris was supposed to set me up that night, he got mad. And he said he didn't trus Cris at all. According to Kenny, Cris is evil and I should stay away, and if he asks me out, bring him along. I was like, um ok, he's a good guy. He's been there for me, and he knows me better than you so I think you should chill. Kenny is just a funny guy. He said, "yeah dude why you have to make me all jealous like that?". This was with regards to seeing me and Cris together. He didn't deny it. He infact emphasized it.

Well about the week, frankly alot did happen, but I am just way too tired to recall it all. I probably will continue this tomorrow or later in a few hrs. Later people nitey nite, er, gmornin?  Take Care God Bless, and Peace out

Issues jan 25, 2001

A word that I've been using quite a but these past few days. This would have come out even more depressing if my friends hadn't forced me to talk (thanks you guys). Oh and my other friend came back from vacation (hey Brian). Anyway, I guess I might as well spill. Dangit too many things just happened in two hours. Now my depression is on temp remission. I lack the enthusuasm of my meloncholyness. Ok I'll try start from the beginning. This is gonna get real ugly.

1-23-02
Korn and the korn doll and issues. I drew that in protest of my roomie locking me out (as a joke of course). I wrote issues. We came back from eating i think or was it the Karaoke thing? I think eating. Anyhow we went tocheck out the Karaoke thing cause Binna insisted. The Lounge guys went up as well. We got there seeing Binna, Jon, Juan, Eric and some other people singing. The loungs guys were all there and Pete has the evidence on tape. It was pretty funny. And yes I sang out of a deal i made with Kenny (cheater!). Mon and I later left after hearing Will trun red from singing his lungs out. You are one brave soul!

1-24-02
The next day I hung out with my friend Cris while I scanned some files. We talked a bit then went to Carusos. I later went back up to the dorms andchatted with my cuz about how tired I was about my life. I just felt a deep saddness. I was just really depressed. Don't get me wrong. I am thankful and greatful for all God has given me. I just have this emptiness that I can't explain. Like there's something lacking of  serious significance to make me feel whole and happy. I have been kind of feeling this way since for a few months now.  Certain changes in my life have just accumulated to the point where I feel so overwhelmed. I can't handle or ignore  how I feel anymore. I just want to stop and get away. There are too many shallow and complex situations I am encountering that I don't know how to even feel about them anymore. I also discuss some part of this to my roommate who shares my sentiment.

Ok, now I am feeling depressed again. My roommie leaves  to shower and leaves our door open. Well, later that evening Cris and I IMed about art and Frieda Kahlo (a famous Mexican painter who suffered from bipolar).  He saw my drawings on the door  when he came up earlier and he requested a Friedaesue type drawing. Of course I said sure.Did I mention I was getting the third degree from my roomie (issues about him in the room) and Kenny (giving a disapproving look at him with me). I swear people, he's a nice guy! don't be so suspicious. It was getting late so I was bidding my farewells when my neighbor 3 doors down I think, scared me (yet again) from behind and began bugging me about my Eeyore (I like depressed things cause I feel their pain =P). After bugging me to see this page and stealing my sn from me ( my IM world is getting smaller), I reluctantly gave up and showed him. He was kind enough not to inadvertantly mock my page infront of my face, and  was "kind" enough to send me a program (yes you read right I said kind...so be happy!). I still have to figure out how to use the thing though. Where was I? Oh yeah,  So I turned in with with a feeling of extreme fatigue.

continued (jan 28, 2002)

1-25-02
The next day I had one class and one of my roomies went home. I decided to eat and met Kenny and WIll on the way down. Kenny basically told me to join them, so I did. Our conversation began with the "issues" korn doll and topics other persons. The conversation then dewlled on me. For some reason, the were trying to get a figure of my beliefs, values, reactions, morals, etc. To make things short, since our conversation was quite long and covered an array of crude, unusual, and important issues. Will, for the most part, was frustraited with my ideals and my outlook on things. He found it very difficult to accept that, if any, that my beliefs were all mainly the byproduct of being "brainwashed" and that I have been "sheltred" to an extent, that I don't even know what I really like. That is, everything that I think I believe in or prefer is due to the fact that it was instiled on me and I know no other way.

From there, he found it hard to accept the answer "I'm not like that" and "That's just the way I am", and I am positive that although my environment may have contributed to my personality and outlook, I doubt that I would be less than I am had I grown up in a more liberal, accpting, and tolerant environment. I am who I am regardless of how you are or how everyone else thinks I should be. I can confidently say this because it has been shown (although with much skeptisism) on various studies. People just refuse to accept this fact.

I can understand where he is comming from, but even if it were true, how is that any different from what truley makes me happy if I feel happy the way I live my life as it is? There were so many more "issues" we dwelled upon that got me even more so depressed than I was. What was funny was, after I explained the various contributors to my beliefs, they couldn't help but not blame me for acting and believing the way I do. I can sense that they felt I had no way out. I was pretty sure of that anyway, but it seemed to bother them moreso than me.

By the end of converstaion, I could just see their faces in an act of surrender, anger, pitty, sadness and depression directed all at my life and my situation. I thought it was pretty funny since it was my life and not theirs. We we left the table all out of energy and, at least me, for the most part, realized certain things about myself I never really thought about until Will pointed it out. I pushed people away once they start getting too close or attatched. Early on in the conversation just put me on the spot and I knew deep down, but ofcourse I didn't admit it, that he was right and he didn't even know me.

This and several other things, stirred up in my brain, but things went back to normal once I got my things to go home..about 5 mins. Talk about change of pace. Anyway, I left, Will cracked a crude joke, where I think I got the last laugh.


Issues...continued  jan 28, 2002


That day was a bust and it just made my life more complicated and worstened my feelings about the "issues" I've been trying to understand. Later that evening I spoke, with my friend Will, the other one, and he bugged me about my problem. I guess I have this negative forcefield or something. But I was hesitant to tell him about it. Afterall, I was usually the one giving the advice not the one asking for it. Furthermore, I rarely confided in anyone. I guess because although I have many friends, there are only a rare few whom I can really whole heartedly trust with everything I say or do. At this point in my  life, there was no one who could really help me, or so I thought.

I didn't want him to worry about my problems, but I knew he was sincere is wanting to help, so I took a chance and reluctantly told a simplistic issue, one or several very complex just to let him get the jist of more or less what I was dealing with. Although there was no unrealistic solution, or overly inquisitive strategy, he helped me realize that everyone needs someone to confide in, and it is not right to keep all of your feelings bottled up. Regardless of who it is, you should find a way to tell someone you trust. I know this, that confiding in a trusted person helps alleviate some pain and burden even if the problem is not solved so to speak, it is lightened just by the fact that you are not carrying it alone. I know I should have practiced what I told those I used to counsel, but it gets really hard for the counselor to be the counselee.

Its hard for someone who was inclined to keep secrets of others, share their pain, and help them through thier hardships to alleviate all those pains and responsibilities . In a way, I tend to think that it is my job to do all these things and stay strong enough to not let anyone see my pain. Why? So that I can let them know that there is hope, that they are not alone, that their problems can be overcome with the help of others, and showing them I am strong enough may give them the strength to carry on. Showing my weakness and insecurities may affect them in such a way that if I can't take it, then they can't either. I suppose I should also show that problems are inevitable regardless of who you are, it just a matter how you approach these situations and not letting these obstacles run your life rather letting yourself walk through it.

hmmm, i don't know if I want to dwell on. If you are wondering why this is getting long, aside from the excessive over analysis, this is my experience for the week, so whatever. Its my news so if you don't carem I don't either.=P

I forgot what I did inbetween that span of time, but I know I did something. Anyway, I went on later at 11pm, and I chatted with my cousins. We talked about the party on sat and some other things happening in our families. My friend Cris caught me online and we talked for a long long time.(1-26-02)  I don't even remember how it got to that point, but all I can say is he believed in me more than I could ever belive in myself. The most indepth and stupid conversation I have everhad since my talk with my bestfriend several years ago. I never met anyone so sincere about what they say and how they feel. Cris, at his truest, is one of the most sincere and sweetest people you could meet. Thanks so much.

After the very enlightening conversation, we were about to just go and sleep, then my floormate IMs me  and gets my and his friend drunk (tsk tsk) I don't know about you, but talking to someone who is wasted is really hilarious esp when you get them to type stuff on the computer. And according to him he has no recollection of it. Isn't that strange? So I leave that at a much lighter note. I couldn't help but laugh...so childish I know, but  at the very least they keep me amused...despite the annoying warnings on AIM (if you see warnings on my sn, its prob from them). Ok I guess thats a SHORT version of what happened the past week, at least till sat morn. Sat night is another story.I have to study big time now so peace out Take Care and God Bless!

Wait till I get done with this week.

Losses and gains jan 15, 2001

Ok, as of the moment I suppose I'm not so sad about the whole thing happening but I am still sad about it nonetheless. Last night i decided to take a shower so I could seep in a little later the next morning (that would be 7:30am), but much to not suprise, I was so worried about sleeping in, I woke up @ 7am anyway (dammit). So I washed up and got dressed, ate breakfast and walked to class with my bad knee...from walking around campus (yes I walk that much).

I got to the Life Sciences building, walked in my class, and read the Daliy Bruin since there was a couple mins before class. The front page of the Daily Bruin basically went over the whole protest rally on Monday, which I didn't bother to take part in because I was on my way to class. A bunch of nothing if you ask me. No one made any decent or strong argument. I saw it as a worthless protest from both sides.

Anyway, the lecture soon started and we talked about human vs animal language with regards to its communicative intent. We basically focused on infants debaiting whether they can pick up the intent of the person who is trying to communicate with them. If they are able to match a label with an object just by hearing a reference word, and so forth. If you are brain dead and have no idea what I am talking about...thats tough. As I was saying, near the end of the lecture I was playing with my ear --I usually do out of boredom and to occasionally check if my earrings are still there, which they weren't.  Long story short, I lost it most likely on my walk towards class. No it wasn't in my dorm room, on my clothes or in the class room. I was also hoping to see it on the cement floor around the Bomb shelter or Molecular biology building but of course that was a long shot. Oh, and forget Bruinwalk, cause I went to the tennis courts.

Basically, I went through the rest of the day with no earrings =( and those were given to me by my mom too ;.(  but I guess it was bound to happen. I tend to loose earrings alot, just because they easily snag or have loose locks or something. Well its gone now and I moved on I suppose. I love those earrings!

Later in the day, I went to two more classes (human sexuality, some weird stuff about bonobo monkeys and 100B lab, research methods) and afterwards encouraged my friend Cris stay for a Psi Chi meeting since the meeting was going to be in 45 mins in the same room we were in. We killed time by walking around campus and talking about religion...yes religion. Actually it was more on cultural experiences and churches.

So we eventually walked back to Franz Hall and I saw some familiar faces from Psi Chi. I noticed alot of the board members weren't there. Norm was late (the president). He was apparently in New York for the entire winter break. He finished  filing his applications for grad school and he took his GRE's. Such a kewl guy. He reminds me of my cousin. Anyway, they're on the verge of electing officials for the next year and Cris convinced me to try out for it. I sure want to join, but I don't know if I qualify. Even so, Cris told me it would be good for grad school, and I know he's right. So I guess I'm going for it. Just kinda sux that my GPA isn't exactly at the best position, (dammit 100A). Well I can make it up this qtr anyway, I have to get all As to make sure of it. After the meeting, we took pictures for the year book (yey, I'm in the year book!) . I can't wait to see the pictures! Alright, I guess that it. The meeting ended at  6:30pm. The stuff that happened inbetween were kewl and I had a great time after the meeting with my friends. So basically, I had a great day, aside from my earring thing...*snif* :.( sob, ok thats it.  tc Gb, I'm out. much older stuff

PS.
incase you  don't know already, Psi Chi is
Psi Chi is the National Honors Society in Psychology
not a frat or sorority.

Anyway, I was beginning to dabog (pout, yes childish I know but I was pissed) hey, my dad promised we'd get to go to gift shopping before we leave and now they were rushing me to get my stuff and go. So I complained (polietly of course) and my dad (feeling guilt) stopped and let me buy some stuff. Of course I was still pissed cause we were already practically out the gate, but I got some stuff in a hurry, notice that I hate being rushed to buy presents ( I am hard to please and I am a perfectionist on certain aspects). Ate Judy aslo finally got her caramel apple. All is good I guess.

Moral lesson, don't wait to buy gifts if you see a cute thing now, chances are you won't be able to get back to it. So, if its not too heavy, not easily breakable, get it. If its heavy, remember to go back and get it, otherwise have a back up plan for presents. I suggest buying candy...that never fails. its light, esy to carry and practically everyone loves candy.

Finally, I noticed, rather, observed (I like to observe things alot) is the stuff they sell in DL is different from the stuff they sell in Disney stores (which is how it should be). I don't see the point in buying or selling things you can get elsewhere. So, make sure what you get has "Disneyland" or "Disneyland resort" tag on it, otherwise, don't even bother buying it. That goes for other theme parks as well, namely Universal Studios and Six Flags. You can often get their stuff in specialty shops or the WB stores.

Remember, the tax you pay for the goods in the parks are ridiculus so save money by not getting stupid things and tiny things that are often over priced for their size that things you can get else where.  With that said.TC, GB, peace out... 
kiddie rides to kill time before all the parades and other shows in the evening. I discovered they no longer do the Fantasmic lazer light water show thing. That pissed me off, since they already moved the electric parade to disney world and now its in CA. Well I couldn't do anything about that, so we rode the Mark Twain (yes I know it was night I dunno why they even have that ride on during the evening since you can't see anything anyway). Anyhow, we got off and went on the fairy tale and boat thing (Sheryl sez storybook land). I think its kewl to look at at night cause the models look real. My dad wanted to get on the submarine voyage but it too was closed. I wanted to do autopia, but my cousin wanted to get candy apples so bad so we looked for a candy shop with them but no luck.

We soon watched the parade only to loose my siblings in course and then my dad after he looked for them. I tried to call both people, but I couldn't get anyone to answer their frikkin phone. I soon found out, after the parade, that they were across the street eating! Yes they were eating. So we went over and I ate some bouey with chilli (yes they make good chilli). Then as I was aking a bite of chilli, the gang went on to the gift shop and my dad told me to ditch the chilli...*sniff* ...so I had to throw it away =(. man that chilli was good. Anyway, we did go to some shops between rides, but I wanted to refrain from buying till the end.

Now I realize it was a bad idea since we ended up in a hurry to leave for some apparent reason my grand aunt had. So I was pissed cause I needed to get some pasalubong (gifts) for my other cousin and my roomies (its a flip thing;  when you go somewhere, you have to buy pasalubong for yer friends and family. well not really, but I feel it as a nice thing to do.)

My Take on Disneyland, Capitalism and the Consumer Market

For the past four years, my family and I have gone to Disneyland Park (a more appropriate term since its expansion with California Adventure (CA)). 

Honestly, my childhood was mainly family gatherings, Disneyland (Dl) and Disney cartoons. Yes, I had a very happy childhood even though we moved all the time.

This year, my family, along with some relatives went to  DL, and it happend to be my sister's birthday. Being the eccentric person she is, she got a birthday sticker and alot of people wished her a happy birthday (yes she is ksp...all you flips out there, should know what I am talking about).

They picked me up from the dorms and after much wait, we got into the park. I was tempted to go to CA, but I didn't want to ditch my cousins. Besides I know DL like the back of my hand.

We separated from the adults so to speak (I prefer calling them slow and chicken...j/k). My sister and i ran around the park getting fast passes to all the open rides (apparently a bunch of em were closed for renovation, revamping, and decoration removal including my fave hauted mansion and splash mountain...dammit!). So after getting on three rides, we ate lunch then my brother stayed with the elderly due to chickeness. So we left him with the older peeps and rode the matterhorn, thunder mountain, and space mountain.

By 6:00pm we were at the big cheese's house (yes I mean Mickey) my cousin wanted to get a pic with him as a long awaited wish). My dad called cause we were supposed to meet infront of the castle. We soon got there in 10 mins. We soon went on some

Rightfully so don't you think? Well, its almost New Years. Typos are a new trend...oh yeah and Happy New Year 2002! See ya all next year =)

God Bless and Take Care...I'm off to a family gathering. And if you find anything wrong with what I say, well e-mail me or live with it. I'm tired and I don't have time to make this stuff all gramatically, and structurally correct or pleasing to the ear. I just wanna say something b4 this year ends.

2001...a revloutionary year: 2002 a new beginning

Ok Christmas is over. I actually had a good time. We went to my aunt's house in Riverside the spent Christmas day at my grand aunt's house. So I basically spent the holiday with my mom and dad's side of the family.

Now it's New Years Eve, 9:20pm. I don't really have alot to say, at least not as I'm writing this but I know its gonna fall out. I know that this has been a great year for me and my family. I know what you all may think. How can I even say that when there were thousands of innocent people who died in Sept 11th, and America has been on the hunt for Osama Bin Laden, other terrorists, terrorist groups and terrorist supporters--basically ww3?

Foremost I believe that all of these tragedies were bound to happen sooner or later considering US foreign policy and foreign relations with that part of the world, etc, etc, etc. I won't make this into a political debait since I hate politics anyway, but I believe that tragedy opened many eyes and brought many issues to the attention of many otherwise ignorant and sheltered people.

I think this year served as a better ground to prepare us for the comming year 2002. I am certain about one thing though, Y2K had so much hype and it was so lame. I'm glad 2001 came in with a change of pace and brought a bland and immoral world to a hault even for a temporary moment to think of things more important than power, money and lust. Depite all the grief and pain this has put us all through, there are better plans for us. All we have to do is have faith and remember that the finer things in life are those that cannot be bought..yada yada yada, but its true!

Hopefully, people will use these powerful situations as a form of reflection and starting point for change (change for the better). I don't know if it has changed me much in the sense that it has the economy and world market. I can say that this was the first time, in all my youth as a military brat, I voluntarily watched, taped, and whole heartedly felt the pain delivered by the ever so clueless and unscripted reporters despirately searching for answers.

The whole situation brought more humanity in an otherwise rigid, prefabricated, and seemingly structured and rehearsed reports. Indeed, the tragedy brought much of America together, but ironically tore othersections apart. So much hatred, so much anger, so many lies, and so much ignorance. Ignorance is what  made this happen, and it is ignorance that will keep things like this ever so near. I am tired of all the hatred. I am tired of all those people who take advantage of the downtrodden. Why are we ruled by our own misery? We were given free will, man took it away. Now I ask you, who's the evil one?

UCLA Fall Qtr and Christmas

     After the long wait and endless hassles, I finally got my acceptance letter to UCLA. I can't say I wasn't happy getting the letter, but at one point, I didn't care anymore. I got acceopted to all the schools I applied to and UCLA was the last one to respond. It was the last school I was waiting for and the deadlines for the other schools were near past due. So either I get into to UCLA or I wait another semester and do nothing.

     Obviously I got in, or I wouldn't be telling this boring story. As of now, Fall Quarter is over, and I can't believe I spent a year preparing myself to get into this school. I'm actually in and its just weird because the magic you expect is kind of desensationalized once you start the quarter and get settled. It's a great place. It isn't as unreasonable as many people may expect or hear. Once you become involved, the campus community becomes a more personal and less alienating place. Although the people here are intimidating and as talentied and intelligent as hell, the people here are great. You'll find the nicest people here if you know where to look. So, even if my dad didn't have issues about me being too far from home, I still would have gone to ucla than berkeley.

     I got through hell finals week by actually studying 3 days "before" my tests abandoning my old ritual of cramming big time for once. I think it paid off. I am happy, just need to go pick at one professor when I get back.  As of now, I'm on my winter break. Christmas is a comming...its Dec 23, 2001. I love it. Call me a nerd, but I really miss school...the atmosphere at least. I need the excercise.

Christmas, I haven't felt this happy about this holiday since I was a kid waiting to get my Super Nintendo. After my floormates and roomies got over their zombie like dispositions, just hangging out doing/ worrying about nothing for a change was really great. It was kind of weird because some people on the floor weren't Christian so i couldn't say Merry Christmas and I was reluctant to give any presents. Still, my roomies and I did since were were all Catholic. Those guys are really great...thanx =) It was raining the day I left the dorms, Dec 15th.  felt sad leaving, but I everyone was eager to go home after a crazy quarter.

     Now that I'm home, my family and I are ready to celebrate our first anniversary being in our new home and Christmas with my mom's side of the family. This year, however, it is not about the presents, the money, the food, or the lights, although I am flat broke after buying presents, decorations, and wrapping paper and ribbons. If not the presents then what? I am just so very thankful for all the graces God has given me and my family. It sounds very passe, but I speak the truth and I can proudly say that a truly believe in the words I have now thought and uttered to you. So for those of you out there who do not feel the spirit of Christmas, just think of all the good things you've experienced, receieved, and witnessed that you normally overlook and take forgranted. Remember, there are always other people less fortunate than you, so you should be grateful for what you have and not be jealous of others for what they have. The amount of riches a person has is not a measure of his wealth, but amount of family and friends s/he has to share his/her life with.

Attack on America : shaken but not stirred

        Tuesday morning 8:48 am ET September 11th 2001, a hijacked commercial plane  crashes into  the World Trade Center in Manhattan, New York. From then on, the no one could immagine the  terror and horrific scenarios that would take place next that would  forever change the lives and   spirits of the American people.
                                                                            
   In deed, if you would have told anyone that on Sept 11th the Twin Towers would crumble to   the  ground and the Penatgon would be hit, probably no one would have believed you. However,  now  in these places, only scraps of metal and debris bare witness to what  once lied there, the greatest  symbols of American economic power. Now in these cites, hundreds of dedicated men  and women, construction workers, police, medical  personnel, firefighters, volunteers, family members, and  friends continuously search and pour out their heart and soul in hopes of witnessing a sign of life amist the collosal  masses  of rubble.  (continued...)